HumorJuly 20, 2004

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Do These People Seem Familiar?

By Arlo Vander

Part of the fun of fantasy football is that every owner has his or her own unique draft strategy. But you can’t only tell players apart by their tactics. I’m sure you’ve encountered a few of the following folks at the draft table…

The Lottery Winner: Ever notice how one person always winds up drawing the top pick, year after year after year?

The Environmentalist’s Nightmare: Prints out every single cheat sheet and draft tip he can find in the weeks leading up to the draft, and shows up with enough loose pieces of paper to keep an average-sized lumber mill busy for a week.

The Bottleneck: If the time limit is three minutes per pick, you can count on him calling out a name with 2:59 expired.

The Borrower: “Oops, I didn’t have time to put together a cheat sheet. Mind if I use yours?”

The Paranoid Plotter: Leaves fake cheat sheets lying around where everyone can see them to throw his opponents off his trail.

The Party Animal: Spends the opening rounds of the draft drinking and the middle of the draft flirting with the waitress. Falls asleep in the late rounds.

The Fan: He’s wearing a Chiefs cap and jersey, has season tickets to Arrowhead, and recently added an “I love Trent” tattoo. Guess who this guy wants for his quarterback?

The Overeager Beaver: Yes, you don’t want to wait too long to grab the sleepers you’re targeting, but picking Ben Troupe in the second round is going just a bit too far…

The Wily Dealer: Starts shopping players immediately after drafting them. “Hey, anybody want to trade for a round six pick?”

The Popular Guy: Spends half the draft answering calls on his cell phone.

The Echo: Always calls out players who have already been picked by other owners.

The Absentee: “Call me back when it’s my pick.”

Arlo Vander can’t wait for his first draft of the new season.

What interesting drafters have you encountered? Feel free to add your own to the list!

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