Five Simple Rules for Fantasy Etiquette

Every other game we play has a certain etiquette we’re supposed to follow. Why doesn’t fantasy football have any unwritten rules? It’s time to lay down the law and put an end to that.

Let’s face it, everyone and their grandma is playing fantasy football now. Asking someone if they know how to play fantasy football ranks right up there with “Do you know how to play Texas Hold ‘Em?” Even poker, as widespread as it’s become, has a certain etiquette that all but the newest to the game know to follow. Now that everyone who has played football, watched football, heard of football, or knows what color a football is is playing fantasy football, why hasn’t some kind of etiquette evolved from the idiocy? It’s time to lay down the law. Here are five of my fantasy sports pet peeves that should be considered standard etiquette.

1. Stop offering trades that even Danny Ainge wouldn’t consider.

If you’re a Celtics fan, you know that Danny Ainge has made some pretty strange moves. Well, I’m not Danny Ainge and no, I won’t give you Shaun Alexander for Alge Crumpler, Deion Branch, Az-Zahir Hakim, and Drew Bledsoe. Four so-so fantasy players do not equal a fantasy stud. It’s not as easy as basic math. In fantasy sports trades, 1+1+1+1 does not equal 4. If you’re taking the time to offer a trade, please make it reasonable. I don’t know too many people who are going to take three or four of your bench players for their first-round pick.

2. The league rules aren’t meant to be broken.

I’m currently in a league where, without telling anyone, the commish turned off the “can’t cut list” so someone could drop, yes, drop, Steven Jackson and pick up Az-Zahir Hakim (in case you’re wondering, and I know you are, he’s the Saints’ third WR who almost didn’t make their 53 man roster). Please read that sentence one more time so you understand the stupidity of what’s happening here. Ok, done? It gets better. The commish then went ahead and picked up Jackson for himself. These events took place in a matter of 14 minutes. I wish I were making this up. The rest of the league was up in arms, and rightly so. This came a week after the trading rules were changed after the first trade had taken place, two weeks after the point scheme was changed twice in as many days, and three weeks after the draft. Leave the rules as is. If something absolutely needs to be changed, put it up to a vote.

3. Understand that when you ask another owner their opinion on a trade, he or she is probably lying.

It’s understandable that sometimes when you’re offered a juicy trade, you’ll consult with another owner to see if you should accept it or not. It’s ok to do this as long as you know they’re probably lying, especially if you’re their next opponent. “Hey, do you think I should give up Alexander for Crumpler, Branch, Hakim, and Bledsoe?” “Oh definitely. Bledsoe thrives in Parcells’ system and I really think Hakim could be in for a huge year.” It’s like asking a poker player what they bet with that made you lay down your cards. You’re not going to get a straight answer.

4. If you’re going to join a league, check your team at least periodically.

It kills a league, especially a small one, when owners lose interest and stop maintaining their teams. A full league is whittled down to three or four teams and it feels like you’re playing solitaire rather than fantasy football. It gives a huge advantage to anyone playing that team because lineups aren’t shuffled to reflect bye weeks or personnel changes. Especially approaching the playoffs, a team’s schedule strength is important. If a team on the bubble plays a non-maintained team in the last week or two of the regular season, it could make all the difference in the league.

5. Fantasy football is about having fun. Keep it that way.

Everybody wants to win their league’s cash prize and/or trophy, snag the draft pick who ends up being the fantasy MVP, pick up the stud free agent who went untouched for four weeks, and make all the right moves to dominate the competition. Please try to keep in mind that your livelihood doesn’t, or at least we hope it doesn’t, depend on winning at fantasy football, so don’t make it seem that way. Play the game and enjoy the season.
(And if you’re banking on your winner’s check coming in the mail to make your mortgage payment, you’ve got way more problems than any list can help you with).

It may not be much, but I hope it’s a start. Every game started with virtually no set rules and little etiquette, but over time certain unwritten rules fall into place. Fantasy football should be no different.

 
Jeff Valois is finishing up his degree in communications at Worcester State College in Massachusetts. When he’s not mulling over fantasy numbers and stats, he’s working to pay the bills (or maybe that should be the other way around).

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