Next Year

Another fantasy season has passed. An exhausting season of bumps, bruises and carpal tunnel, clicking away and praying that our players will find the endzone at least 12 times, has passed. We have read more literature about our players in this one season, than in all of high school. We have celebrated the huge wins and cried after the heartbreaking losses. Together, we have fought through the jungles of fantasy football. It was hell boys, but we made it.

To all of those who lost in playoffs or never made it because Plaxico shot himself and to those who started Thomas Jones in week 16 against the apparently tough defense of Seattle: there’s always next year. As a Chicago fan I have become accustomed to this fun little idea. Next year holds a whole new season of promise and the prospect of coming back and dominating. A little tweaking or a small change of tactics might be all that is needed. For example, sticking to the basics, or not drafting a kicker in the first round will suffice (someone in my money league took Robbie Gould in the first – really). Also, checking your team each week works wonders. Try it out!

To all of those who won your league: welcome to the Winner’s Circle. Each and every one of us are, how should I say this in a delicate manner as not to upset the common plebeians who don’t have the same fantasy football intelligence as us, better, faster, stronger, and much better looking. Now we have obtained the bragging rights we sought for the sometimes-brutal 16 weeks. Next year you should consider a money league or possibly three more leagues just to make it interesting. I actually had eight leagues this year, one of which I cared about and two others which I somewhat cared about. Don’t join random, public Yahoo! leagues. It’s not worth the time. However, if you’re spending hours upon hours looking into fantasy football like me, you might as well put a couple of bucks into it and see what you get in the end. It could end up being a nice little investment.

To all of those who won in a money league: welcome to the Platinum Winner’s Smaller Exclusive Dot. Not only are we three times better, faster, stronger, and much better looking than those poor souls who lost, but we also have money to further rub our victory in everyone’s faces and to spend on our women, if necessary (they don’t appreciate fantasy football and these past 16 weeks have been rough on them). We dedicated hours of our lives to our fantasy team and we have money to show for it. Perhaps, in some of your lucky cases, a whole lot of money. Congratulations, comrades.

 
In order to help you all prepare for the next season and help lessen the pain of losing by forcing you to think optimistically, here are some tips and things I learned this year:

1) If a stud does poorly one week, he probably will do well the next. He’s just messing with your head. Philip Rivers and Jay Cutler are two prime examples. It’s all mind games. But really, for the most part trust your studs unless the matchup is horrendous or you have no one better.

2) Picking up people with cool names generally works out. Example: I picked up BenJarvus Green-Ellis two or three weeks before he started doing well, just because I thought his name was cool (true story). I searched Ben and saw his name and happened to have an extra roster spot. BenJarvus. My first child will receive that name.

3) (Legitimate advice) Don’t draft defenses too high. It isn’t smart to commit to a defense. Look at Chicago. They were ranked so high up there at the beginning of the season, and they turned out to be pretty horrid in fantasy. It is much more wise to pick up and drop defenses weekly based of whichever one has a better matchup.

4) This same advice applies to kickers, as well. One might as well flip some sort of 14-sided coin for those guys each week. Example: Garrett Hartley did not score at least three field goals like I wanted last week against Detroit; neither did Jeff Reed. Pick them up and then drop them like they’re hot.

5) There is no reason to draft a tight end too early, unless his name rhymes with Ony Gonzalez. That guy was ridiculously consistent. Otherwise, it has to be another weekly thing, unless you have John Carlson or Dustin Keller-level tight ends.

6) Personally, I feel the same about quarterbacks, especially once Tom Brady was lost for the season. I always dedicate the first 2-4 rounds to RBs and WRs. WRs have been going thin lately and full time starting RBs are becoming more rare as we speak. Quarterbacks… they can be so darn inconsistent sometimes. Even the top-tier guys (Rivers, Cutler, and Drew Brees to some extent) don’t always bring it. Only if QBs are weighted more heavily in your league would I consider giving a man like Brees a top spot.

7) Points per reception leagues are fun, so give ‘em a chance. If you don’t already know, select Matt Forte or Brian Westbrook in those drafts (which are really far away).

8) Prepare for your draft. I know it seems pointless, but mock drafts help a lot. Over the last summer, I partook in several of them and once the real draft came by I was on fire. It helps to practice that quick-processing so when it’s your turn you can handle the immense pressure. Now would be a good time to start mock drafting. Oh God, how am I going to live without fantasy football?

9) LaDainian Tomlinson caught a case of the anti LT-itus and will continue to have it for the rest of his career. Same as Larry Johnson and what’s his face… Rudi Johnson. He was THE workhorse! Times are changing…

10) Reggie Bush will continue to disappoint next year, at least for a good portion of next year. Knee issues ruin the quality of life. For example, while hopping around my house in excitement after the Bears game I tripped on a rug and hit my knee on a door. It still hurts…

11) Really bad weather messes up most fantasy players except for all of the Patriots. Apparently, they are immune to bad weather (see the week 16 game against Arizona).

12) Decently bad weather, not so much (Rivers destroying KC in decently heavy winds).

13) The name of your team will often be a main deciding factor in the prosperity of your team. Usually, picking a name with the word win or victory or anything positive will result in more wins. For example, Victorious Wintastic Winners. Victorious Secret is a great one by the way; clever and victorious.

14) If in a money league, make sure the people in your league put the money in a designated pot before the season starts. That way, at the end of the season, the winner (presumably you) can obtain this money easily, rather than having to shake down each of the nine other members in your league, one of which has already moved out of the state. Yeah. I need to collect on my winnings…

 
Man… It’s been 16 weeks already? I’ll be in withdrawal in a week. Please help me.

 
Jeff Smar spends too much time on fantasy football. You can catch up with Jeff in the Cafe's forums where he answers sit/start questions under the name of americanese.
 

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