RankingsDecember 24, 2009


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Week 16: Back from Hiatus

By R.J. White

After a one-week break, the Barometer is back in full-force this week. Actually, just utility-hook joined me in ranking our teams this week, but his stick-to-it-iveness more than makes up for the low quantity of rankers this week. As we take a lap around the NFL, we’ll also take a sneak peek at each team’s Christmas wish list. Enjoy!

RankChangeTEAMAvg RankD
Z
U
H
1upIndianapolis Colts (14-0)111
Christmas wish: When Peyton Manning retires, he immediately becomes the offensive coordinator and coach-in-training.
2upNew Orleans Saints (13-1)222
Christmas wish: Another safe and uneventful year for New Orleans as they continue to rebuild the community.
3upSan Diego Chargers (11-3)333
Christmas wish: Philip Rivers’s success in December (what is he, like 18-0 now?) transfers into January.
4upPhiladelphia Eagles (10-4)4.545
Christmas wish: Santa gives coach Andy Reid a clock management guide for Christmas. Y’know, since he already got the extension.
5upMinnesota Vikings (11-3)564
Christmas wish: Jasper Brinkley channels the spirit of E.J. Henderson for the rest of the year. Otherwise, the Vikings are sunk.
6upDallas Cowboys (9-5)657
Christmas wish: Santa, please don’t put new kicker Shaun Suisham in the same situation he was in against NO when with Washington.
7upGreen Bay Packers (9-5)7.578
Christmas wish: Please make Aaron Rodgers as good as Brett Favre. Wait, you’re saying he’s better? Who knew?
8upArizona Cardinals (9-5)8.589
Christmas wish: Father Christmas, please give Grandfather Time a few more years behind center. Also, don’t let Anquan go.
9upCincinnati Bengals (9-5)9126
Christmas wish: Please give Chris Henry’s family love and peace throughout this season, the love and peace I hope Henry now has.
10upNew England Patriots (9-5)9.5910
Christmas wish: Whatever happens, do not let Tom Brady get touched for the rest of the season, unless we’re down late and need the flag.
11upDenver Broncos (8-6)11.51013
Christmas wish: Please make the players we get from Chicago’s picks become All-Stars, rubbing the trade in their face even more.
12upNew York Giants (8-6)11.51112
Christmas wish: Help Hakeem Nicks to continue his development into Plaxico Burress on the field, while keeping him from Plaxico off the field.
13upBaltimore Ravens (8-6)121311
Christmas wish: Send us a twenty-somethiing wide receiver to develop along with Ray Rice and Joe Flacco.
14upPittsburgh Steelers (7-7)141414
Christmas wish: Bring Troy Polamalu back to us. Please Santa! We shouldn’t need 500 passing yards to win a game!
15upTennessee Titans (7-7)15.51516
Christmas wish: 400 rushing yards for Chris Johnson these last two weeks. We don’t ask for much, besides the odd Miracle or two.
16upJacksonville Jaguars (7-7)161715
Christmas wish: The first thing on our wish list is a pass rush. Don’t spend that money on a new QB, as David Garrard is actually good.
17upMiami Dolphins (7-7)16.51617
Christmas wish: Give us another wrinkle to the wildcat for 2010, and in 2011, and so on … I want the left tackle taking snaps at one point.
18upHouston Texans (7-7)192018
Christmas wish: Bring us a coach that won’t hype a running back for two weeks and then bench him after one drive.
19upNew York Jets (7-7)191820
Christmas wish: We would really like a right arm that works for our QB. One that doesn’t throw bad passes all game.
20upCarolina Panthers (6-8)20.51922
Christmas wish: Jake Delhomme, CBS analyst in 2010. Wow, that has a great ring to it, doesn’t it Jake?
21upAtlanta Falcons (7-7)212319
Christmas wish: Let this Saints renaissance only be a one-and-done thing, like it’s been in the past. No dynasties please.
22upSan Francisco 49ers (6-8)212121
Christmas wish: For a team without many holes, they sure aren’t that competitive. Maybe we could use a secondary?
23upSeattle Seahawks (5-9)242226
Christmas wish: A new, young franchise left tackle. And quarterback. And receiver. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
24upChicago Bears (5-9)24.52623
Christmas wish: While your giving out left tackles, Santa, we could use a couple. Why don’t you bring us one of everything, just in case?
25upBuffalo Bills (5-9)24.52524
Christmas wish: A coach, a coach, my kingdom for a coach. What do we have to do to land Bill Cowher?
26upWashington Redskins (4-10)25.52427
Christmas wish: For Daniel Synder to really have turned a new leaf and for him to not meddle in Bruce Allen’s work.
27upOakland Raiders (5-9)262725
Christmas wish: A franchise QB that doesn’t look like a lineman. One that can actually play QB in the NFL. (Don’t draft Tebow!)
28upCleveland Browns (3-11)282828
Christmas wish: Eric Mangini to sign Jim Brown for the final two games, and for him to run for 300 yards against the Raiders.
29upKansas City Chiefs (3-11)29.53029
Christmas wish: Santa, please turn some of these close losses into close wins. And Santa, turn these blowout losses into games against Detroit.
30upTampa Bay Buccaneers (2-12)302931
Christmas wish: Bring us Monte Kiffin back! This defense just isn’t cutting it, Santa. At the very least, deliver us Suh.
31upDetroit Lions (2-12)30.53130
Christmas wish: Two wins?!? Nope, we’re good. Don’t need anything else. To Detroit, this is a pretty good season.
32upSt. Louis Rams (1-13)323232
Christmas wish: We’re the only team with one win. Please give us the No. 1 pick, so we can screw it up by bypassing Suh.

 

Legend:

DZ = daullaz
UH = utility-hook

 
R.J. White is a fantasy blogger at the sports site FanHouse. Check out his work both here and there, and feel free to talk to him in the forums, where he posts under the name daullaz.
 
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