Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass and said "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Minnesota, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite shore-line along the Great Lakes. The people from Minnesota are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human football team who will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them in Wisconsin."
Flockers wrote:Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass and said "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Minnesota, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite shore-line along the Great Lakes. The people from Minnesota are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human football team who will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them in Wisconsin."
Here are the number of horrible Oklahoma/Texas jokes I have had to endure from my Texan mother, and Oklahoman mom of my best friend...
"Why doesn't Texas fall into the Gulf of Mexico?"
"Because Oklahoma sucks!"
(and to think I spawned from these people... )
"What happens when an idiot from Oklahoma moves to Texas?"
"It raises the IQ of both states."
(...and this proves that Texas can't come up with anything better. )
"Why is there a hole in the ceiling at Texas Stadium?"
"So God can watch his favorite team play."
(Then why didn't God help us beat Cincy? )
I've got about a billion Viking jokes. I'll just use this one now though.
A Bears fan, a Buccaneers fan, a Packers fan, and a Vikings fan are each trying to prove that they're the most loyal to their team. They go to the edge of a cliff where the Bears fan yells,"This is for the Bears!" and jumps off. Next the Buccaneers fan yells,"This is for the Bucs!" and jumps off. Then, the Packers fan yells,"This is for the Packers!" and pushed the Vikings fan off.
I ain't no suit-wearin' businessman like you... you know I'm just a gangsta I suppose... - Avon Barksdale
I grew up in Cali which is where I live currently. But while I was serving I hooked up with a chick from Lacrosse, Wis who I still live with here in Cali. I had to bring her in to read this....she thought it was pretty funny....
Two boys were playing football in a Saint Paul area park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a plank of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar& twists, breaking the dog's neck.A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Vikings Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Vikings fan," the boy replied. "Bears Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Bears fan either," the boy said. "Then what are you?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Packers fan." The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck Punk Kills Family Pet."
Cafe Home
Fantasy Baseball
Fantasy Basketball
Fantasy Hockey
by CC » Sat Nov 13, 2004 9:47 pm 
)
)
)
