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It all makes sense now... Tuna's master plan...

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It all makes sense now... Tuna's master plan...

Postby no1cowboysfan » Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:07 am

Long rant ahead... you've been warned. It's kinda funny though...

I'm at work, and its about 9 (pacific). I figure, "Hey! The 'Boys game might still be on! I can catch the end of it!" I slowly walk to the TV in the dining commons area, and I am met by a peculiar image... TO riding an invisible horse. What is the meaning of this display of mockery? I knew it could only mean one thing... Cowboys are getting the crap kicked out of them once more... :-o So I check the score... its 49-21, and the Eagles are kneeling with a minite fifteen left... That's it... it's over, I thought. No more attempts for dignity, there's no chance now to even pass off as a somewhat decent team. I start thinking about all the negitivity surrounding the season... our defensive leader has been on PUP all season... our lackluster QB was a coke head... our protege RB, who wasn't even starting, is out too. And to top it all off, Tuna has been an irritable jerk through it all. Hints of a quick retirement coming up... negitive talks to/about the team... are these the fabled Parcells mind games, or is this geezer just fed up? And his coaching and analysis all season... its almost as if...

And then it hit me. Parcells isn't fed up. He has been PLANNING THIS ALL ALONG. That's right... this season, the Cowboys have been set up to FAIL.

Skeptical, I know. But listen to this... Parcells cuts our young QB (not that I liked him), and brings in a old veteran way past whatever prime he had. He also nabs a young hotshot... who has been removed from football for a few years. He wouldn't be able to get back into the groove until NEXT SEASON...

Our RB situation looked bleak, but there were some nice prospects left on the board by the time our pick came up. In fact, ALL RB prospects were still on the board. Steven Jackson, Chris Perry, Kevin Jones, and even Tatum Bell... we could have gotten anyone we wanted at RB. So we... trade our pick away. We get a young prospect with some past disciplinary problems. He seems all right... younger brother of semi-stud Thomas Jones, might be ok. I'd want to get him on the field right away, wouldn't you? Naw... we'd rather grab ancient Eddie... another offensive player entirely past his prime. Jones is hurt on one of the few plays he DOES run... out for most the season.

But hey, at least he got another 2nd pick in that trade, right? Maybe we can get a nice WR... seeing as how we are befuddled with ancients. We have Keyshawn Johnson... an overrated pansy who is ALSO past his prime. We also have Terry... (past his prime... see a pattern?), but he was still a decent deep threat. But Antonio Bryant... there's a prospect. Our WR of the future... definitely some potential. But we couldn't have offensive talent this year... it would ruin Tuna's plan... so Tuna infuriated him, and traded him away. In return, we got a decent receiver... I like him... but with his injury, he wouldn't be able to fully contribute until next year. Hmmm...

On defense, we let go our halfway decent corner back, leaving us with crappy Pete Hunter and some seventh rounders... Obviously we'd get a stud in FA... right? Naw... let crappy Pete take over. Nevermind that Bobby Taylor, Troy Vincent and Antonie Winfield were available in FA, or that we could have traded for Mike McKenzie. And forget that we could have gotten Gamble in the draft. We needed a crappy team this year, so Parcells had to devise a way to turn our #1 overall defense into #32. So we acquired nothing, except for a defensive end who hasn't been productive in years.

But why would Tuna do this? Why would he ruin this team? There was no chance for anything going into this season... But yes... there is a reason.

Football fans, I give you... the most elaborate plan in the history of the draft... the chance to get 2 top ten draft picks in one year.

(applause)

OK, that was all BS. Parcells... you may be a great coach historically, but right now, you are sucking big time. You brought us up just to let us down, didn't you? Never trust a Giant...
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Postby Manja » Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:37 am

It was Jerry Jones who wanted and signed George... Not the Tuna.
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Postby no1cowboysfan » Tue Nov 16, 2004 1:35 pm

... and Parcells decides who to start. If George was simply a goalline/3rd down back, I'd be elated. But no... he was our starter. I still gotta lay the blame on Tuna for that one...
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Postby hastur » Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:54 pm

I remember using this arguement in '89. Too bad we don't have Hershel again :-b
Go Cowboys!
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Postby creamdoorthirtyniner » Tue Nov 16, 2004 5:27 pm

At first I misread the title and thought the 'Cuna was plotting world domination :-]

Well it could be that, but many points were left out:

vinny- Jesus' older brother
eddie- I faintly remember hearing about great great grampa cheering him on

and for goshsakes, Cundiff moreso resembles an 10 year old than my brother.

I'm all for this failure plan though ;-D
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Postby Cornbread Maxwell » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:10 pm

I cannot corroborate this, but Im positive I called a 5 win season for DAL this yr.

My question is - what happened to their D?
Most objective observers I talked to saw they wouldnt do well offensively, but the defensive collapse is a suprise.

BTW - what is Dallas' situation for the upcoming draft? Do they get/give any picks? What/who would you like them to target in the draft?

Maybe an G or DE? Possibly a WR?
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Postby no1cowboysfan » Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:04 am

The defensive troubles are brought upon by the absense of team leader Darren Woodson, and the getting rid of crappy but sufficient Mario Edwards. 2 of our starting secondary members are a career backup at SS and a rookie seventh-rounder. The toher 2 are young, but good, DBs... but Williams and Newman can't do it all. The running defense hasn't done very poorly... they allow a lot of yards, but we are 14th in rushing scores.

I doubt we'll get a G (we have Lehr, and we just drafted Rodgers from USC) or a DE (Ellis and Wiley... though both are getting up there). A WR is a definite possibility, as the Cowboys are in desperate need of a standout WR. Bryant might've become one, but not for us... And of course, as the Boys like to do, we will probably grab a new CB or SS (Woodson is leaving soon... I have a feeling...). We will most likely trade away one of our picks, possibly for more picks. But I have no idea who they're looking at... not like Tuna makes it easy.

But yeah, I have accepted another crappy season from the Cowboys. I shall say again the quote lbjackal likes so much... The Cowboys are like the Yankees of football... without the winning. At least for now.
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Postby Tyr » Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:26 am

Gibbs is holding the 'skins back to wait for you bums to shape it up. What good is a Redskins come back season, when our arch rival is playing like this? :-b
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What do they do in the draft?

Postby RayVins » Wed Nov 17, 2004 6:36 pm

If I'm the Cowboys in the draft, there are a few positions I need to address. More than likely they will have 2 top 10 picks...

OG- they need a big, physical offensive guard to replace the aging Larry Allen on the left side if the line. however, the best OG on the board id most likely Elton Brown from Virginia, who should go late in the 1st round.

If he is still there when their pick comes around, Dallas (from BUF) chooses...WR- Braylon Edwards, Michigan ...to play with Drew Henson.

With the second 1st round pick, the Cowboys choose CB- Antrell Rolle, Miami (FLA) ... for lack of CB depth and the horrible defensive play that is this year's Dallas secondary. At this spot, if Rolle is taken, the Cowboys take CB- Corey Wesbter, LSU ...where they should be taking a safety, but as there are no worthwhile safeties this year the Boys will take a corner.

ABS...you're Tuna conspiracy theory is true...I believe you buddy...
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Postby CC » Wed Nov 17, 2004 6:46 pm

I doubt the Boys will have 2 top 10 picks, maybe 2 top 15, but not 2 top 10. In my opinion there is no chance they will take a WR, the 3 positions which will likely be addressed are CB, DT, and RB. If they play as they are now, they have a shot at snagging Antrel Rolle with their 1st pick which would give them undoubtedly the best young CB tandem in the league. If they miss out on Rolle then they will probably go with Marlin Jackson and they will probably take Hawthorne or Cadillac Williams with their 2nd pick.
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