"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but I used to, too."
"I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch, do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly..."
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be waaay better than before."
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit ..unless you are a table."
"I have a sliding glass door with a sticker that says: "Warning Alarm System". It's a real simple system, too.. yeah, it consists of a sticker."
Mitch Hedberg was one of my all time favorite comedians, along with Brian Regan and David Cross. When I heard the news yesterday, I was profoundly upset and disturbed.
Word on every comedy/mitch related forum I've been to still maintains that he died of a heroin overdose, and his family is just trying to keep it under wraps. I guess it's how he would have wanted to go, but it's still a tragedy.
"You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", and then re-attach it, and call it "Mitch-all-together"."[/b]