Canadian_Cheesehead wrote:Let it be known, I have high expectations for this congrats acceptance speech so you best be bringing your 'A' game.
Prepare to be disappointed, d00d.
I spent a half hour late last night on this thing and have given up. It's cut a little short, which is probably fortunate since it came up to about three pages in Microsoft Word, not to mention that I'm running out of things to talk about - and I was pretty desperate for something
. More of a quantity over quality type deal here (since it's expected of me to have a long, drawn out speech, or something)... but anyway, read it if you dare. Maybe print it out and stick in the bathroom for some reading material... I dunno...
Anyway, here it goes...THE 'CUNA's LONG-WINDED 4K SPEECH
When I first got to the Café, it was pretty much an every-three-month event for me! I haven’t had to make a speech in over eight months (and that speech was horrid). After checking out my past speeches, I have a lot of ground to make up after that absolutely horrible 3K speech of mine (too much pressure after the absolutely fabulous 2K speech, I ‘spose). Yikes – hopefully this will at least beat that atrocity of a 3K speech.
…and in case this speech is just as bad, check out my 2K speech (here
– back when I was either damn hysterical or f#@k’n annoying, depending on who you ask) to relive past glory.
Hm… should I revert back to my egotistical, third-person ways here for old-times sake? Do I dare try and make a speech in the first-person? For lengths sake, I might do a double-post – one in first-person mode and another in third-person a$$-hole-mode. Maybe. I’m just typing what I’m thinking at this point. Maybe bring in my new pseudo-Café name, Ron Mexico, for a third-person translation and get a post-count started on that name? …probably not. Eh, for old time’s sake…
Since The ‘Cuna knows that you all adore him so much and the like, The ‘Cuna feels obliged to let y’all get a little insiders perspective on the man that is The ‘Cuna. Here’s some fun facts about The Ever-so-Sexy ‘Cuna:THE ‘CUNA ENJOYS…
Long walks on the beach and beautiful sunsets.THE MORNING ROUTINE OF THE ‘CUNA CONSISTS OF THE FOLLOWING:
Wake up at either 7:10 AM, 6:45 AM, or 8:30 AM, depending on the day of the week. The ‘Cuna then proceeds to take a leak. After taking care of business, The ‘Cuna gets wet and wild in the shower. Following the drying off of The ‘Cuna, The ‘Cuna brushes his teeth, shaves, and applies the necessary amount of deodorant and cologne. Now that The ‘Cuna is nice and clean, it’s time to get dressed. Now getting dressed for most people is a simple task, but since The ‘Cuna has adoring fans across the globe, there is a lot of pressure on The ‘Cuna to look as good as possible (but not too
good, which he has trouble with a lot of the time). The ‘Cuna turns on his stereo and blasts some music from a super-dee-dooper mix CD (usually straight to track 13 – that’s the good track). After carefully contemplating each piece of clothing and corresponding accessories, The ‘Cuna is ready to greet the world by going outside and warming up his fine little car. While the car is warming up, The ‘Cuna ventures into the kitchen and pours himself a big ‘ol glass of orange juice. Mm! Mm! If it’s a Friday, The ‘Cuna also checks out the newspaper to see what movies are out and if there’s something good playing at the cheap theater’s midnight show… most of the time it’s nothing good, but once and a while there’s a gem. Nonetheless, now it’s time for The ‘Cuna to get into his fine-ass car and drive hurriedly off to school – the ever-so-prestigious Eastern Washington University.
Eh, that’s probably enough of that. The ‘Cuna wouldn’t want to over-load his legions of fans with too much info all at once. Don’t ever want to give away too much info, y’know. Gotta keep some things a mystery – that’s what keeps you interesting. …or something.
For some space-filler, The ‘Cuna will retread on some thank-yous from prior speeches. Enjoy.
First of all, gotta give some props to his oh-so-sexy ‘ol mom and dad for gettin’ it on that one night. Without them, there’d by no ‘Cuna for everyone to enjoy. …and without The ‘Cuna, everyone suffers. I’d hate to imagine such a place… a ‘Cuna-free place… scary.
Secondly, my ‘ol P.E. and math teacher, Mr. Phinney deserves a moment in the spotlight (although we’ll keep it at only a mere moment, as this is The ‘Cuna’s
time, dammit!). He saw my mad skillz in P.E. class and new The ‘Cuna was destined for greatness when it came to sports. He convined The ‘Cuna out of retirement. Without him, The ‘Cuna may have never gotten into sports at a post-elementary school level… and maybe not have even been interested in ‘em anymore! Yikes…
And lastly, Chase. Without Chase and his fantasy football league that he’d set up during my freshman year, The ‘Cuna probably would have never gotten into fantasy sports. And if The ‘Cuna had never gotten into fantasy sports… well, The ‘Cuna definitely wouldn’t have ever visited the Café.
Well, The ‘Cuna is at a loss right now, but he’s not done typin’ just yet! For some more filler, here’s a run-down of the classes in which you can find The ‘Cuna in the morning hours at the prestigious Eastern Washington University (in case you’re in town and want to see The Ever-so-Sexy ‘Cuna in person or something).
9:00-9:50 – Government 100 – this class seems alright. The teacher is a cool d00d so far… still haven’t had any tests or assignments yet, so that’s all well and good. Plus there’s no class on Thursdays, so The ‘Cuna gets even more beauty sleep!
10:00-10:50 – Geology 100 – The ‘Cuna is diggin’ this class so far. The teacher is kind of hot… and she has an English accent, which is kind of hot too. Can’t remember much of what is going on in the actual class, though. There is no class on Fridays, so during this block of time, The ‘Cuna heads over to the P.U.B. to eat some breakfast with good ‘ol Ashley.
11:00-11:50 – Chicano Studies 100 – The ‘Cuna is required to take a Diversity course at ‘ol EWU, so this is what he is taking to fill that requirement. So far it seems like a very easy class – there’s a lot of stuff covered, but the teacher offers a lot of extra credit to even things out…
Another awesome thing about this schedule is that all of these classes are in auditoriums! Yeah, that’s right… some eighty plus kids sittin’ in a theater with nice, comfy chairs… there’s even *free doughnuts in the hall that the Chicano Studies class is in!* It’s great.*If you make friends with whoever is guarding ‘em, making sure people pay up.
Let’s see here… there’s gotta be some more things The ‘Cuna can continue to ramble on about…
This one time, The ‘Cuna’s buddy and him were at this local cheap fast-food place that stays open until 1AM. Homeless people tend to hang around there because the place is packed on Friday nights and during the winter they have all these heaters on the outside for the customers (it’s pretty much a booth with a couple picnic tables outside – no inside-dining). Anyway, there was this one d00d in a suit… after we’d ordered our food, this d00d comes up and says he’s got a problem. The ‘Cuna’s buddy asks him what’s going on. The d00d in the suit says to us that he doesn’t have a place to stay for the night. The ‘Cuna’s buddy says, “Well you can’t stay with me!” The ‘Cuna is in shock of his buddies stupidity. The d00d in the suit says that’s not what he’s asking. The ‘Cuna’s buddy asks if he wants his change, and the d00d in the suit says no. The d00d in the suit asks The ‘Cuna’s buddy for at least $20 to get him started. He doesn’t want to stay with homeless people, he wants to stay at the Davenport (a high quality hotel here in Spokane). The ‘Cuna’s buddy says that he doesn’t have much money, but reached in his pocket (hoping to find one of the $1 bills he’d just received) and unfortunately pulled out a $10. The d00d in the suit grabbed it before The ‘Cuna’s buddy could put it back and then asked The ‘Cuna what he had. The ‘Cuna gave him his change (some forty-some cents) and the d00d in the suit called him a “cheap mother…” You can fill in the last word. And then The ‘Cuna’s like, “d00d, that kind of talk DOES NOT r0x0r s0x0rz, methinks!” Anyway, The ‘Cuna and his buddy proceeded to The ‘Cuna’s car… the d00d in the suit started yelling obscenities at us as we drove away.
The ‘Cuna thinks this is funny, just because of the “You can’t stay with me!” comment. Otherwise it’s pretty boring, but for some reason, The ‘Cuna thinks that comment was funny. Maybe you had to be there, I dunno. Plus, The ‘Cuna can’t think of much else to write, so he decided to share this ‘ol story. The ‘Cuna will continue to share stories… progressively better stories… as the milestones continue to pile on. Unless The ‘Cuna forgets, in which case this might be the last (and worst) of his stories you’ll have the pleasure of knowing.
Now onto some more random thoughts, for your entertainment AND in attempt to make this up there with some of the longest posts ever in the history of the good ‘ol Café. Plus, The ‘Cuna is bored.
Hey! According to MTV’s “What ‘House of Wax’ Star Are You?”
quiz, The ‘Cuna is Jared Padalecki. The ‘Cuna has no idea who this d00d is. Anyway, here’s the description – which The ‘Cuna feels is spot-on.
House of Wax Quiz Results wrote:You are the epitome of down-to-earth and it's all about keeping it real. Yeah, you've got the looks and you've definitely got the charm, but above all you're modest about it. You aren't into the glitz and glam as much as everyone else, but somehow you still get the spotlight. Keep doing what you're doing! With all the attention that you get, it's not easy being you.
Like many others around the Café, The ‘Cuna enjoys his music. What’s The ‘Cuna listening to at this very moment, you ask? Well, right now
, The ‘Cuna is digging the tunes featured on Nick Drake’s Bryter Lyter
. Also in regular rotation at the moment includes Atmosphere’s Seven Travels
, Baxter Dury’s Len Parrot’s Memorial Lift
(spread the word and give this man the fame and fortune he deserves!), Beck’s Guero
, Louis XIV The Best Little Secrets Are Kept
, and Sublime’s 40 Oz. to Freedom
Unfortunately, The ‘Cuna lost his “bow to the king” image, so instead - since The ‘Cuna is such a nice (and damn sexy, BTW) guy – here’s a treat for y’all.
Here’s a picture of ‘Lil John and Webster!
The genius that is Peter King.
Everyone loves poopin’ elephants…
…or maybe everyone loves Elisha Cuthbert.
ANYWAY… The ‘Cuna reckons that it’s time for some shout-outs. And like last time, the only people cool enough to deserve a shout-out from The ‘Cuna are Seahawk fans… plus, if The ‘Cuna were to try and give a shout-out to everybody
, someone would definitely be left out and feelings would get hurt. This is for the best, The ‘Cuna assures you. Making the shout-outs exclusive only to the kick-ass 'Hawks fan is the biggest reason, though - no point in worrying about hurting someone's feelings who isn't
a 'Hawks a fan, methinks.
[shout-out]w00t! Yeah! Hey mom, The ‘Cuna is famous! Wanna say a big ‘ol howdy to awwchrist! w00t! My boy VHawk! VHawk’s a pimp! w00t! Canadian_Seahawk! You r0x0r s0x0rz d00d! Nilmerf kicks an incredible amount of ass! w00t! w00t! …w00t! Flockers… is Flockers even around anymore? Eh, w00t! SeaWolf – you’re the shiznit! Evolution! Go you! w00t! Nacho is the man! w00t![/shout-out]
Any ‘Hawk fan whom The ‘Cuna has unintentionally left off the list and is feeling a ‘lil blue about it, feel free to give The ‘Cuna a PM. You can reserve a spot for the next series of shout-outs when The ‘Cuna reaches 5K.
That should probably be that for the third-person routine, methinks. Now onto a more “normal” and not such a damn long speech…
Thanks for the kind words, d00ds. I’ve enjoyed spending time here and gettin’ to know a lot of you.
Edited to change "after-shave" to "cologne" because I am a dumbass.
Last edited by Canacuna on Tue Apr 12, 2005 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.