Yes, the fitness guru from the late eighties...I met the crazy son of a b*tch today, and lived to tell about it.
This is gonna be a pretty long story, perhaps I'll highlight the big stuff in bold for ya.
So I get a call a couple days ago from a guy I worked with in video production, and he tells me I can come with him to the tiny town of Forest City, NC to be a production assistant for some video work. Seeing as to how I get paid $15 an hr, I couldn't pass it up.
So today around noon we show up to this hotel and start prepping it for an interview. I'm the PA, so I'm basically everyone's b*tch, and I make sure to pick up whatever people need from restaurants/Wal-Mart. When I get back, the room is fully prepped and I have no idea who is coming or really what is going on.
So I ask around, and my employer tells me Richard Simmons is coming to surprise this lady that lost over 200 lbs thanks to his exercise videos.
I hear of plans to "ambush" the lady giving an aerobics class at her church with a film crew capturing Psycho Simmons rushing in and meeting this lady. Then we're filming an interview between the two.
So 6 o'clock rolls around and we arrive at the church, ready to "ambush" this woman. We get into position, and rush in as Richard Simmons, decked out in his usual shorter-than-boxers shorts and glittery tanktop runs in and about gives this woman a heart attack.
He goes on and on about fitness BS and eventually tells her that she's going to Hollywood to be on her show. The people go crazy, Richard is already crazy, and I'm going crazy from making sure everyone has signed a release form to be on TV.
Once we get that crap out of the way, we head back to the hotel to finish setting up the interview. This is when I meet the insane son of a gun. I'm sitting in the hotel lobby, and he walks inside in a blaze of glory, greeting everyone as quickly as possible in a hurricane of eccentricity. He gives out hugs to two dudes, so I'm thinking oh boy here comes a hug
He gets to me. Asks me to stand up. And remarks on how I could eat anything I wanted without ever gaining weight. He then proceeds to say, "people like this go straight to hell."
And he walks away.
So basically, I met Richard Simmons and instead of getting a courteous handshake or an over-excited hug, he told me I'm going straight to hell.
The man was absolutely insane. He busted out singing every 10 minutes...mostly crap I've never heard of, but eventually he started singing and dancing to Madonna's "Touched Like A Virgin".....wow. I've never been more scared in my life.
Actually, though, come to think of it, when I was alone in 1 of the hotel rooms with him working on his cue cards, I think I was fearing for my life pretty heavily as well. The man told me I'd have to re-do all of them because I didn't write with the fat part of the marker.
Wait, that's not funny. That's friggan PSYCHOTIC
After picking up Chili's for the fitness guru, I was finally on my way out of Forest City, NC. I'm glad to say I survived the Richard Simmons experience. Although I'm going to hell, according to him.