The "what-if" Game...

[Guru13]

and by the way....if you do go through with this (i kinda hope you do), you gotta introduce him to the gang here, and to fantasy football that is.

[Flux]

Obviously you brought up the biggest concern of all about your daughter. You mentioned that she is your pride and joy as she should be, and the child you are adopting would know this. Add that to a violent past for him, you have to ask yourself if you were to punish him or not allow him to do something or just somehow set off a trigger in him and he wants to really get back at you or hurt you he knows the worst way to do it. I know that sounds awful and I dont know the kid and I dont know his situation, but if there were a 1% chance of that happening, I would in no way put my daughter in that position.

My cousin is adopted. His mother was 14 and from how he developed it appears that she was addicted to drugs during the pregnancy. My aunt and uncle have given him all the love you could possibly imagine, a great home and anything he has needed. He used to act out when he was younger and then sort of mellowed out a bit. But recently he has reverted back. Tried to commit suicide, assaulted my uncle who had to prematurely retire b/c of a bad back that he's had for years (my cousin hit him in the back durign the assault) and is just not a person you want to be around. He is 20 now and is still living at home and cant keep any sort of a job. I realize some of this has to do w/ mental problems that arose while he was unborn, but he got upset, and went for the one thing that he knew would potentially hurt and even paralyze (my uncles had tons of surgeries and his back is in awful shape) my uncle.

Kids know where to hit you where it hurts the hardest. Throw in the past information you shared and it just seems there could be a problem. You do great work, but it is WORK. You need to keep that seperated from your family life, especially if there is any possibility of bringing potential danger into the home. You must think of your family first.

Of course as youve said, we dont know the whole story, but these are my thoughts

Also would adopting this kid affect your work and how much time you can spend w/ others?

[Kensat30]

Ask him who he has as the #1 RB this season, if you like his answer I say


Seriously though, it's hard to give any kind of opinion without knowing your situation and the people involved. I think this is a situation where only you and your family know what's best, and even though it make be tough to decide now, I think you will make the right decision in the end.

[Arlo]

One more point that might be worth considering beyond how it'll affect this kid and your own family: how would this affect the other kids you work with, both now and in the future? Any chance it'll cause problems in your relationship with them?

In any case, good luck with this very tough decision, and much respect as well.

[creamdoorthirtyniner]

Obviously you brought up the biggest concern of all about your daughter. You mentioned that she is your pride and joy as she should be, and the child you are adopting would know this. Add that to a violent past for him, you have to ask yourself if you were to punish him or not allow him to do something or just somehow set off a trigger in him and he wants to really get back at you or hurt you he knows the worst way to do it. I know that sounds awful and I dont know the kid and I dont know his situation, but if there were a 1% chance of that happening, I would in no way put my daughter in that position.

My cousin is adopted. His mother was 14 and from how he developed it appears that she was addicted to drugs during the pregnancy. My aunt and uncle have given him all the love you could possibly imagine, a great home and anything he has needed. He used to act out when he was younger and then sort of mellowed out a bit. But recently he has reverted back. Tried to commit suicide, assaulted my uncle who had to prematurely retire b/c of a bad back that he's had for years (my cousin hit him in the back durign the assault) and is just not a person you want to be around. He is 20 now and is still living at home and cant keep any sort of a job. I realize some of this has to do w/ mental problems that arose while he was unborn, but he got upset, and went for the one thing that he knew would potentially hurt and even paralyze (my uncles had tons of surgeries and his back is in awful shape) my uncle.

Kids know where to hit you where it hurts the hardest. Throw in the past information you shared and it just seems there could be a problem. You do great work, but it is WORK. You need to keep that seperated from your family life, especially if there is any possibility of bringing potential danger into the home. You must think of your family first.

Of course as youve said, we dont know the whole story, but these are my thoughts

Also would adopting this kid affect your work and how much time you can spend w/ others?

Very good points Flux. Different things set off everybody, and I'd watch out and make a point of laying the law down if you do adopt him. Guidlines and rules or expectations really would be a good start.


[quote="Arlo"]One more point that might be worth considering beyond how it'll affect this kid and your own family: how would this affect the other kids you work with, both now and in the future? Any chance it'll cause problems in your relationship with them?

In any case, good luck with this very tough decision, and much respect as well.[quote]

Excellent view Arlo, and to add something in: How would he feel going to therapy with his dad as the therapist? More than likely embarrassed and would be made fun of quite a bit. People can only take so much before they blow up. Be careful when considering these aspects of the situation...

Which way are you leaning towards?

[defianthart]

first off, you get a ton of respect for thinking about even doing this. secondly, im only 19 so i dont have the dad aspect down but my mom lead group homes for 10 years of my life so ive been around a lot of kids like this.

obviously we dont know all the facts, btw isnt it a breach of confidentiality only if you reveal the name? otherwise my mom has been breaking that oath or law or w/e for years..., but having been around some of these types of kids and having heard stories from my mom(including her being hit in the face several times) i dont think i would feel entirely comfortable having someone like the boy youve described running around the house. i think youre best off staying in your current role of mentor, if you wanted to maybe step it up a little more(spend more time with him outside of the home) and then make the decision after knowing him a little longer.