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The 10 Commandments of Fantasy Football

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The 10 Commandments of Fantasy Football

Postby black_hawk8888 » Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:59 am

Obey all ye sinners.

Commandment #10 - Thou shall not draft Fred Taylor, for surely he shall teaseth the faithful with a great and wonderous performance, fleeing before his pursuers like a scalded cheetah, catching the ball and visiting the holy land of the endzone many times - before landing upon the injured reserve with a bruised taint. He shall be banished to the land of the “Day to Day”.

Commandment #9 - Thou shalt not draft Jamal Lewis, for surely by the end of the year he shall consummate the coke deal he hath starteth and wear striped the robes of the State with a very a long number branded across the front.

Commandment #8 - Thou shalt not draft Randy Moss, for being a Raider from the impure and polluted land called Oakland, is a scum bag of Biblical proportions and, like…Dude…he’s probably completely freakin’ stoned out of his mind and tokin' it up in the locker room as I sayeth this commandment.

Commandment #7 - Thou shalt not take the graven image of the Cardinal and their golden preseason record seriously. Drinketh NOT from the golden chalice of red koolaid peddled by thine local fishwraps, talking heads and sportshacks, for, despite playing the weakest, puniest and most pathetic division in the land, the Cardinals shall surely sucketh donkey member.

Commandment #6 - Forget not that the stadia of the great Bear, the fierce Bengal, the ferocious Lion are as colonies of lepers and draft from them sparingly.

Commandment #5 -Thou shalt not draft quarterbacks from among the sons of the distant lands known as the Big Ten, for they lie with their own mothers.

Commandment #4 - Thou shalt not spill thy manly seed on the sand like the Redskin, Viking or Packer for they are an abomination of mediocrity, despite the fervor of their true believers.

Commandment #3 - Speak in revered and hushed tones of THE GREAT ONE… BLESSED BE HE, Bill Belichick, for he has been anointed as the “official NFL genius of all geniuses”. His record at Cleveland, the home of the foul, smelly brown ones, shall be expunged and never mentioned in HIS presence. Thou needn’t throw thyself to thine knees in the presence of past “official NFL genius of all geniuses”, such as Bill “Spittle” Cowher and The Great White Tuna, Bill Parcells.

Commandment #2 - Thou shalt not play for silver shekels with thine friends and acquaintances known and unknown, for they are known to be penniless, rat bastards having deep pockets and short arms. So sayeth THE UNPAID!

Commandment #1 - Thou shall not darken the doorway of thy home field with the progeny of the sun devil, for surely they moan and whine like the newborn suckling pig (Todd Heap), murder thy teammate and seek a lesser sentence before his judge (Loren Wade), and shall impregnate thy favorite canine (JR Redmon) whilst stealing from your purse and throwing many an interception (Jake). THOU SHALL NOT HAVE ANY sun devil UPON THY ROSTER!

SO LET IT BE WRITTEN, SO LET IT BE DONE!
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Re: The 10 Commandments of Fantasy Football

Postby Redskins Win » Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:11 am

black_hawk8888 wrote:Commandment #4 - Thou shalt not spill thy manly seed on the sand like the Redskin, Viking or Packer for they are an abomination of mediocrity, despite the fervor of their true believers.


BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!
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Postby Fireball Express » Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:16 pm

Looks like I'm going to hell in a bucket. I broke Commandments # 4,6 and 7. 8-o
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Postby NittanyLions » Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:12 pm

oh man, broke #10 :-/
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Postby creamdoorthirtyniner » Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:19 pm

LMAO@ Number 5 :-D
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Postby hastur » Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:47 pm

#2 is sig worthy
Go Cowboys!
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Postby Half Massed » Thu Sep 01, 2005 6:31 pm

nice! :-D
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Re: The 10 Commandments of Fantasy Football

Postby no1cowboysfan » Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:10 pm

Redskins Win wrote:
black_hawk8888 wrote:Commandment #4 - Thou shalt not spill thy manly seed on the sand like the Redskin, Viking or Packer for they are an abomination of mediocrity, despite the fervor of their true believers.


BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!


I dunno... kind of makes sense, don't it? ;-)
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Postby LT Blue Colt » Thu Sep 01, 2005 8:49 pm

:-D Nice! Gave me a good laugh. ;-D I like "The Dude" reference in there.
Metroid wrote: I eat Old Spice. :-B


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Postby Homeless » Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:04 am

Commandment #5 -Thou shalt not draft quarterbacks from among the sons of the distant lands known as the Big Ten, for they lie with their own mothers.


LOL !!!!
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