The Saga of the Unfulfilled Request
Once upon a time there was a Request. It was a nice Request, polite and kind with just a hint of a hopeful air, a bit optimistic and perhaps slightly naïve, but certainly not saucy or impertinent. It was a simple Request, but one that needed the special attention of a very kind person. Our little Request made its home in the Logos region of the land of Café. It quietly settled down and waited, patiently as it could, hoping that soon some sympathetic soul would respond.
The land of Café was a nice place to wait. There were plenty of friendly people, all helping each other in a wide range of areas. The Request could see others like it, several living in its own neighborhood of Logos. Those requests often talked to others whom our Request came to know as Helpers. Mostly the talk seemed to be about fantasies, which suited our little Request just fine – you see, our Request needed help on a problem with it’s own fantasy. The Helpers and the other requests chatted frequently, and our Request was very happy, confident that soon a Helper would come who would talk to him.
First an hour went by, and while several Visitors stopped by to look at our friend the Request, none stopped to talk to it. Confidently, the Request waited, knowing it would only be a short while before a Helper came and made everything right again. Next door, another new request talked to a Helper, and the Helper made the Request a very nice picture. Our Request was very happy for the other request.
By the time the first afternoon had gone by, Request was a bit uncertain. Several more Visitors had come by but none had stopped to talk to Request. The Request began to notice even more people in the neighborhood, Admirers the Request called them. The Admirers talked to the other requests, telling them how much they liked the work the Helpers had done for them. Request was happy for the other requests, and agreed with the Admirers that the Helpers’ work was indeed very nice. But still, nobody came to talk to our little Request.
Hoping to gain the attention of the Helpers (they were probably very busy, thought Request), he gave himself a little “Bump,” a trick he had seen from other requests. The Bump raised Request to the top of the list, first place in the land of Logos! Request thought, “Surely now a Helper will come. Surely they will see me and my wait will be over.” Request sat at the front, beaming with pride and sending out his best friendly vibes, while several more Visitors came by.
But no Helpers came. Request became sad, and spent that night lonely and cold, with only his hopes for company. Request did his best to stay happy, and comforted himself in the shared joy of the other requests who were being helped.
But it was hard for Request to stay positive. His Bump had come and gone, and once again Request had moved to the nether regions of Logos. He was surrounded by other requests who had already been visited by Helpers, and while their fantasies were now very nice, it was hard for Request to live among them –they reminded him that no Helpers had yet come his way.
It was a long night that night.
Then morning came, and with the rising of the sun Request’s hopes rose, too! He quickly jumped out of bed and ran to his computer… but no Helpers had come in the night. There had been several more Visitors, but Request was once again hidden down in the depths of Logos, buried by several other requests full of notes from Helpers and Admirers.
Request sat down and thought hard. He felt certain that he was not being rude, or rash, or disrespectful. He knew the Helpers were busy and that he was only one of several requests who arrived in Logos every day. But he knew that he needed help, too. There had to be something he could do, something that would catch the attention of Helpers everywhere. Request thought hard and came up with a plan.
At noon of the second day of Request’s arrival in Logos he put his plan into action. He would give himself another Bump – but this was to be no ordinary Bump. This Bump was funny. This Bump had wit and self-deprecating sarcasm, and it referenced a culturally significant (if slightly outdated) motion picture. This Bump made the Request look witty and interesting, and with it would come many Helpers, eager to be a part of such an awesome Request.
Request sat once again atop Logos, his humor on full display. Request waited with patient pride for the Helpers to come, and after this the waves and waves of Admirers who would certainly agree that our little Request was as wonderful as he thought he could be. It was only a matter of time.
But that time never came. Another afternoon passed, and then on into evening. Request sat patiently, and while many more Visitors came by, still there were no Helpers. Request’s second Bump had been a failure.
The rest of the day Request sat quietly, part of him still happy for the other requests, but mostly very, very sad. The sun went down, and with it Request’s hopes went down as well. Perhaps there were some requests that the Helpers were unable to help. Perhaps our Request was just this sort. The thought of this made Request despondent. He felt rejected, and lost, and alone in a cold, heartless world.
Request considered abandoning his hopes and dreams, and gave serious thought to forgetting it all and turning to a life of soft-core porn and drug addiction. But the awful truth is that Request has a bad case of butt acne, and let’s face it – nobody wants to see that. So Request bought himself a bottle of cheap bourbon and hunkered down to drink away his sorrows.
And that’s where we find our friend Request, buried down in some backwater alley of Logos, dirty and smelling of pigeon, slightly incoherent and minus his wallet.
It’s a sad tale, but one that deserved to be told.
As the film winds down and we fade to black I ask you – can’t you help our friend Request?
How 'bout them Huskers!