Seeing as how the season is basically over for our team I think I have some good ideas to help us win so it's not a total wash.
AnthonyWright: Anthony Wright is about as good a quarterback as the Ravens have ever had.........seriously, which just goes to show how bad we've had it. Anthony Wright is pretty good moving the ball downfield but when he's in the red zone he's like Mr. Bean, an incompetent moron with nothing to say. I like Anthony, I really do, but whatever happens don't let him have the ball past the 15 yard line. If he shoots for the end zone one of several things will happen.
In order of likelyhood.........
A) The ball will be intercepted.
B) Anthony will be sacked for a 47 yard loss.
C) Anthony will throw the ball too high.
D) If a receiver is open he will throw the ball to someone in triple coverage.
While Big Ben is like a rabbit's foot or a good luck charm, Anthony Wright is the equivilent of a voodoo hex when in the red zone. I seriously expect him to be sacked and throw an interception on the same play this year, I know that is an football impossibility but the football gods can break any rules they please when Wright is in the game, including having a Stalinist-like propaganda parade erupt on the two-yard line. Anything, however absurd, is possible when Anthony has the ball in the red zone.
Kordell Stewart: Hell, let's line this guy up at wide reciever whenever possible. He can run and catch and complain........all three are requirements for good wide recievers. Just look at T.O. and Randy Moss......all they are good for is running, catching and complaining. Kordell is great at all three, he's a perfect genetic being, designed for catching.
When Anthony Wright gets the ball within the 15 yard line take him out of the game, put in Kordell. Why not? We all know the statistical odds of Wright scoring or doing anything good in there. This move would confuse the defense, something our defense is good at. And while replacing QBs like this conteracts all past thought in football logic, when your team is this bad the only logical thing to do is be illogical.
Ray Lewis: Ray Lewis might just be the most athletic player ever in the NFL. Let's line him up at Fullback because we are weak there right now. Seriously, who better to knock guys over for our struggling Jamal then the big, fast guy who knifed a couple guys six years ago? While we are at it why not line him up at Tight End, Wide Reciever, Short-Stop..........wherever. Who cares? At this point we can do whatever we like.
Ex-Ravens:Why not pick up the phone and give some old guys a call? Elvis Grbac, Michael Jackson and Jermaine Lewis come to mind. Maybe we can line these guys up at Strong Safety or something or give them an oboe and have them join the M & T Bank Band. Whatever happens can't be bad because we are so bad now. Honestly, who wouldn't like to see Elvis Grbac replace that Vincent character at Right Gaurd? Or see Michael Jackson on the field in a cheerleader's outfit (He always had nice legs)?
Everyone Else: For the love of God, stop commiting stupid penelties when the opposing team has third down. You know, the penelties that give them a first down? Just stop, okay?