Alright, so my plans have beEn seriously hampered. Much to my disappointment ANthony Wright will be back on the bench this week. No, I'm not saying that the guy is the second coming of Elway or anything but at least the dude can convert 3 and 6. Kyle Boller is totally useless in those situations.
Anyway, without much ado here is my revamped plan of attack against the Panthers or Saints or Packers or whoever we are playing this week...........
I kid, I kid.
Kyle Boller: Okay, the kid Quarterback is back and Jack Del-Rio is shaking in his boots. I even heard he wet himself when he found out Boller was playing. BillICk himself told me this so I know I can trust it.
We can seriously win this game, all we have to do is........oh, who the fuck am I kidding.........we don't have a shot in hell. Bryan Leftwich played with a broken scrotum or something back in college! Did you see that? Kyle Boller hits the bench when he gets Athletes foot or when his Jersey gets muddy (Which is gonna be often this week). So my advice to Kyle is to go get a life insurance policy.
Kordell Stewart: Well Kordell is gonna be home cause he is gonna get released. So, Kordell, good luck, enjoy your life and watch the slaughter begin. Just smile and think "I'm glad it ain't me out there".
Anthony Wright: Everytime Kyle Boller goes three and out I want you to look at Billick and say "Look, I coulda at least got us in the red zone" then mumble "yasummabitch".
Brian Billick: Respond to Anthony by saying "In the red zone? Then what?" Then I suggest laughing like a maniac and maybe going out for a cheeseburger.
Derrick Mason: Okay, we gotta get this guy the ball cause he makes things happen.........like he actually catches the ball. Is this the only guy on the offense that seems to give a flying crud anymore or is it me? Derrick Mason still looks like he wants to win and play hard. Maybe we should put him on our defense, he'd get along good with those guys. In the meantime I'm shocked he hasn't quit and gotten a job selling life insurance (Hey Derrick, I know someone who needs life insurance. On Sunday just look at the guy who was about to throw you the ball but is now currently sprawled underneath of 700 pounds of manflesh and sweat. You owe me buddy!!!!)
The Defense: Hey, how many times does Will Demps have to get a turnover this season only to have recalled for a penelty? Why the hell is our free agent safety in on half the run tackles?!?!?! With Ed Reed out and Ray Lewis gone and Ed Hartwell on IR (in Atlanta) does Will Demps have to do everything?!?!?! Comeon', catch the ball, get a turnover! We need you guys!!!!
Anyway, so we are screwed. Thank God for beer which takes away my shame and helps me forget these painful moments each week.