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The Ultimate Parity League

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The Ultimate Parity League

Postby knapplc » Sat Nov 12, 2005 12:58 pm

I'm the Commissioner of a 12-team H2H league. Three of our owners are griping about the unfair balance of power in our league. Coincidentally, these three owners are at the bottom of the standings. They're griping that we keep too many players (we keep three out of 16), they're griping that the league isn't competitive (although they routinely fail to do their homework) and they're griping that the same teams seem to win all the time (although only two of last season's playoff teams are currently in the hunt). In short, they have made pests of themselves because they are not winning, and they are not winning due to their own lack of effort.

I have been bombarded with suggestions for rules changes, including such gems as, "Draft 18 man rosters, no free agent pickups during the season, " and, "Let's stop keeping any players" - even though this has been a keeper league for 17 years.

After several well-thought-out and very detailed answers based on such crazy concepts as logic and foresight that have gone largely ignored, I am at my wit's end with these people. Every logical answer I give them brings up yet more ridiculous suggestions, many times contradictory to the ones they made previously. So I came up with a way to silence the whiners by taking their pleas for parity to the final level.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Ultimate Parity League. Let me know what you think...


The Ultimate Parity League

Here's how it works:

No draft. No free agent pickups. No trades. No special pools.

At the beginning of the season only each team submits a ranking of the top 24 RB, the top 36 WR and the top 12 QB, TE, K and DEF, preferably electronically, in lieu of their draft prep. An average of these rankings will determine the player pool for the first week. Players are randomly assigned to each team by drawing lots.

For week two the player pool for your team will consist of every player EXCEPT those on your week one roster. For the rest of the season players will be randomly assigned to teams based solely on Fanball position ranking.

For week three the player pool for your team will consist of every player EXCEPT those on your weeks one and two roster.

Beginning week six and continuing through the rest of the season every team with a record lower than .500 will be given priority over teams at .500 or above in the above method. These teams will be given a roster chosen from players in the top half of the player pool. Teams with records over .500 will be given rosters from the remaining players by positional rank.

Playoffs will begin week 14 and last two weeks. There will be three independent playoff brackets with seeding determined by wins/losses. The prize money will be split with each bracket competing for 1/3 of the total pot. Winners of each bracket will earn $40 of that bracket's pot, second place earns $20, third $15 and fourth $5.

The player pool for the playoffs will consist of the middle tier of fantasy players only. The top 24 RB, the top 36 WR and the top 12 QB, TE, K and DEF will be ELIMINATED from the pool, and the NEXT 24 RB, the top 36 WR and the top 12 QB, TE, K and DEF will be randomly applied to rosters for the first round. The player pool will be reset each round, and teams may have the same player on their round one and round two rosters if by random chance they fall on your roster again.

We will begin this style of play in 2006. In 2007 and in each season after, in week one those teams who finished #1 or #2 in each bracket will have players assigned to their roster from the second tier only. The 36 players who would have been on their roster will be crossed off of their eligibility list for the season.

This new format will solve every problem raised in the last several years of discussions over rules changes. It will allow for each team to be competitive throughout the season and will provide reimbursement for half the league. It will allow each team a realistic expectation of doubling their money. It will alleviate the boredom caused by having the same players on your roster year in and year out - even week in and week out. Every team will own at some point in the season the best player at each position and the worst player at each position. No team will be allowed to "stack" a roster with an unfair amount of top players.

This will eliminate the ability of owners to "outresearch" others. It will solve the problem of allowing teams to claim players off the FA list before others can. It will stop owners from keeping the best players for years at a time. It will even the "luck factor" across the board.

In short, this solves every problem caused by some owners not winning. It distributes winnings over a broader spectrum and it gives every owner a team no better and no worse than that of any other owner. There will be no more concern over Bye weeks, nor will owners have to worry about matchups, forgetting to change their rosters, injuries, or any other factor in creating your lineup. This will all be automated.

This format begins week one of the 2006 season.
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Postby Guru13 » Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:07 pm

i wouldn't change al that just for a few guys that are too lazy to be good at Fantasy Football, tell them to take a hike, i wouldnt worry about changing all that if i was you, but, not my decision.
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Postby knapplc » Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:11 pm

FantasyFutballGuru13 wrote:i wouldn't change al that just for a few guys that are too lazy to be good at Fantasy Football, tell them to take a hike, i wouldnt worry about changing all that if i was you, but, not my decision.


No, no - it's a joke. There's no way in hell I'd do this.

They're whining that there's no parity. I started thinking about how to make the league "more equal," and this just grew from that thought.

Is there any way you could be more even in a league than this? Is this the "ultimate" in parity concepts?
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Postby Matthias » Sat Nov 12, 2005 2:51 pm

i think this league unfairly discriminates against players not in your league. i think the only way to rectify this is to place an ad in three of the four following publications: wall street journal, new york times, los angelas times, and chicago tribune. also, the league shall be advertised on three of the four following networks: cbs, abc, nbc, and fox, with the added stipulation that there shall be advertising on fox news as we all know that people who watch fox news watch nothing else.

now, so as not to unfairly discriminate against those people who don't have a television or can't buy a newspaper, you as commissioner shall contact Nielsen and MediaRatings to find out which households are lacking in these two mediums. of those, you shall visit every third household, determined by their last names in english alphabetic order, or in the order that the address of their residence or homeless shelter in the case that they do not have a name or they prefer not to translate it into english.

having put out proper notice, you may not assign each potential participant a randomly generated, unique id (as giving them numbers would be discriminatory and elitist, not to mention hurting the feelings of those who are not in the top list) and, under the watchful eye of 2 major accounting firms, one of which must be stipulated to be ernst and young, you shall draw 12 unique identifiers and contact the winning participants.

to insure equality, however, each potential participant who did not get the opportunity to enter your elitist league must, at a minimum, have the opportunity to double up any leagues fees which they would have erstwhile paid. therefore, using your league payout formula, you must pay 1/3 of the potential participants double of whatever entry fee they would have been charged. any league shortfalls shall be made up by the commissioner.

and then you may begin your completely unbalanced, prejudiced, and elitist fantasy football league.
Last edited by Matthias on Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Bowie » Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:09 pm

I think keeping score is unhealthy, and overly competative. Maybe instead of calculating scores and assigning wins at the end of each week, the commish should hand out gold stars and a kind word to each participant. Also, instead of prize money being awarded at the end of the year, you could all pool your entry fees and rent a short bus to go to the petting zoo together.
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Postby knapplc » Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:58 pm

Matthias wrote:i think this league unfairly discriminates against players not in your league. i think the only way to rectify this is to place an ad in three of the four following publications: wall street journal, new york times, los angelas times, and chicago tribune. also, the league shall be advertised on three of the four following networks: cbs, abc, nbc, and fox, with the added stipulation that there shall be advertising on fox news as we all know that people who watch fox news watch nothing else.

now, so as not to unfairly discriminate against those people who don't have a television or can't buy a newspaper, you as commissioner shall contact Nielsen and MediaRatings to find out which households are lacking in these two mediums. of those, you shall visit every third household, determined by their last names in english alphabetic order, or in the order that the address of their residence or homeless shelter in the case that they do not have a name or they prefer not to translate it into english.

having put out proper notice, you may not assign each potential participant a randomly generated, unique id (as giving them numbers would be discriminatory and elitist, not to mention hurting the feelings of those who are not in the top list) and, under the watchful eye of 2 major accounting firms, one of which must be stipulated to be ernst and young, you shall draw 12 unique identifiers and contact the winning participants.

to insure equality, however, each potential participant who did not get the opportunity to enter your elitist league must, at a minimum, have the opportunity to double up any leagues fees which they would have erstwhile paid. therefore, using your league payout formula, you must pay 1/3 of the potential participants double of whatever entry fee they would have been charged. any league shortfalls shall be made up by the commissioner.

and then you may begin your completely unbalanced, prejudiced, and elitist fantasy football league.


Good stuff! I see I need to make some addendums to the rules ;-D ;-D
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Postby Kilroy » Sat Nov 12, 2005 9:32 pm

Bowie wrote:I think keeping score is unhealthy, and overly competative. Maybe instead of calculating scores and assigning wins at the end of each week, the commish should hand out gold stars and a kind word to each participant. Also, instead of prize money being awarded at the end of the year, you could all pool your entry fees and rent a short bus to go to the petting zoo together.


Agreed. In fact the very word "game" connotes that there is a "winner" and "loser" and should be avoided for parity's sake. perhaps "gathering" would be better. The Short Bus/Petting Zoo Idea definately has merit, although for parity's sake the bus should stop half way so that seats may be exchanged (front-to-back, etc.).



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Postby PACKman1144 » Sat Nov 12, 2005 9:36 pm

I see nothing wrong with winning and losiing here, as long as it is decided by a simple coin flip.
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Postby N-Man » Sat Nov 12, 2005 11:57 pm

Are you kdding me?
this league has obvious flaws. . .

You MUST eliminate the outliers. LT, SA and company should not even be considered. They skew the results way too much.

and the money should be split, within each four person bracket, 25-25-25-25, so there is no unfair advantage for those who randomly got the better team.

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Postby matmat » Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:57 am

heh... ultimate parity league?
why not just let everyone make whatever lineup they want for each week? i.e. everyone could have SA or LT on their team, but then there isn't a chance of gaining on other players.
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