Saturday Humor - Books Never Written Sports Edition - Fantasy Football Cafe 2014 Fantasy Football Cafe

Return to Football Talk

Saturday Humor - Books Never Written Sports Edition

Moderator: Football Moderators

Saturday Humor - Books Never Written Sports Edition

Postby Warhawk » Sat Nov 19, 2005 3:13 pm

We over at the ESPN boards were having a little fun and came up with these, enjoy. I thought a little humor around here was much needed. ;-)

Books Never Written – Sports Version:

"Hiring The Agent That’s’ Right For You"
-Terrell Owens

"Throwing the perfect pass"
- Michael Vick.

"Championship Traditions"
-The AZ Cardinals

"Winning it All"
- Peyton Manning - Foreword by Dan Marino

"How to take a hit while catching a ball over the middle"
- Randy Moss

"My Losing Season"
- Tom Brady

"Throw The Other Guy The Damn Ball"
- Keyshawn and TO

“How I lied to Congress and Got Away with it”
- Raphael Palmeiro

“The Art of Negotiating”
- Bob Goodenow and the NHLPA

"OUCH! how I survived the NFL"
- David Carr

"I'm Batman"
- Wayne Chrebet - forward by Al Toon

"Keeping Your Emotions In Check"
- Dick Vermeil

“Football in January”
- The Cincinnati Bengals

“Our friends, the Cops”
- The Baltimore Ravens

"Proper Alumni Etiquette"
- The Miami Hurricanes Alums (AKA 7th Floor Crew *snicker*)

I’m gonna stop here to mention that I heard that song by the Miami guys. Other than being very crude, it was entirely unremarkable. I was kinda hoping it would actually be interesting, but the fact is, as a rap song, it just kinda sucked.

Back to the list…

"How to keep your ego in check"
- Jerry Jones

"Tips on winning the Super Bowl"
- The Buffalo Bills - foreword by Scott Norwood

“ESPN NFL analysts who are fun to watch”
-Mark Schlereth
-Sean Sailsbury
-Merril Hodge
-Mike Golic

"Calling it Quits"
- Rickey Henderson

"How to make it big"
-Ryan Leaf - Forward by Drew Henson

"Clutch Pitching"
- Brad Lidge

"Living up to expectations"
- Co-authored by the Stanford and Kansas basketball teams.

"Defense wins championships"
- The St. Louis Rams

"Meditation and the Art of Silence"
- Bill Romanowski

"Your Body: God's Temple"
- Dennis Rodman

"Pounding the Football"
- Mike Martz and Andy Reid

"Proper Hair Maintenence"
- Terry Bradshaw

The last 6 were mine.
Head Coach
Head Coach

User avatar
Eagle EyePick 3 Weekly WinnerSweet 16 SurvivorCafe Blackjack Weekly WinnerTrivia Time Trial Monthly Winner
Posts: 1819
Joined: 16 Sep 2005
Home Cafe: Football


Postby sPoRtZsTuD2318 » Sat Nov 19, 2005 3:25 pm



"I got this [b]killa[/b] up inside of me
I can't talk to my mother so I talk to my diary"
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar
Eagle Eye
Posts: 3517
Joined: 21 Sep 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Chicago

Postby matmat » Sat Nov 19, 2005 4:30 pm

you missed

The Complete Joy of Pitching
by John Rocker
How is my typing? Call 1-555-382-5968
Many posters could benefit from this.
Head Coach
Head Coach

User avatar

Posts: 1816
Joined: 12 Sep 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Hovering over a keyboard.

Postby Guru13 » Sat Nov 19, 2005 4:36 pm


Throwing Strikes is Simple
By: Rick Ankiel

hope y'all know who that is...
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
CafeholicCafe WriterCafe RankerGraphics ExpertMock(ing) DrafterEagle Eye
Posts: 9206
(Past Year: 2)
Joined: 29 Nov 2004
Home Cafe: Football

Postby ChoneJohn » Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:16 pm

weren't the cards giving ankiel a try out in the OF during spring training this year? he remains one of the weirdest sports stories do you just lose your stuff that quickly?

Here's another:

Building a Winning Franchise
by Matt Millen
Special Teams Staff
Special Teams Staff

Posts: 112
Joined: 3 May 2005
Home Cafe: Baseball

Postby CC » Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:26 pm

How to Recover after Missing a Big Kick
-by Adam Vinatieri

Chemistry with Your Quarterback
-by Terrell Owens

40 Times are a Good Measure of Talent
-by Donte Stallworth

You Don't Need Steroids
-by Tony Mandarich
I ain't no suit-wearin' businessman like you... you know I'm just a gangsta I suppose... - Avon Barksdale
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Fantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeSweet 16 SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 11079
Joined: 30 Dec 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: The Big House.

Postby portisfan24 » Sat Nov 19, 2005 6:41 pm

"Boating Etiquette"

The Minnesota Vikings

"Domestic Abuse is wrong"

Randy McMichael foreword by Samari Rolle

"Call a Cab: The Leonard Little Story"

With contributions from Raphael Furcal
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
CafeholicCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterInnovative MemberCafe MusketeerMatchup Meltdown SurvivorCafe Blackjack Weekly WinnerLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 6196
Joined: 4 May 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Canada

Postby UNDEFEATED » Sat Nov 19, 2005 6:58 pm

10 Ways to Get Closer to Your Coach

i like the Ankiel one.

How to Save Your Marriage
-Kobe Bryant
Image Help me earn my Cafe Helper Blinking Ambulance stripes. If you want off the wall thorough answers to your team questions...Hit me up. PM me a link. See you around.
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar
Mock(ing) Drafter
Posts: 3890
Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Flos Scandelos

Postby moonhead » Sat Nov 19, 2005 7:18 pm

We Can Work It Out
-Ray Carruth

Cellphones Are Cool
-Jamal Lewis

How to Punk a Dude At a Club
-Ken Hamlin

Call The Bookie
-Art Schliester
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Fantasy ExpertCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle Eye
Posts: 15994
Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: questioning your fanhood...funk o'meter: funkalicious

Postby TheMule » Sat Nov 19, 2005 7:26 pm

I just got one from the Raider Image!

"Commitment to Exellence"
Al Davis

Now that is freakin' hilarious!! and this from a Raider Fan? Hmm...
Deluxe Sig By Deluxe_247
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar

Posts: 2417
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: South of Heaven, West of Hell


Return to Football Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

Forums Articles & Tips Start & Sit Sleepers Rankings Leagues

Get Ready...
The 2014 NFL season kicks off in 10:12 hours
(and 41 days)
2014 NFL Schedule

  • Fantasy Football
  • Article Submissions
  • Privacy Statement
  • Site Survey 
  • Contact