Here is the text conversion of a Dane Cook joke:
So I was walking down the street right...(pacing back and forth) I'm just looking around and then BAM (jumps, puts arms out) I walk into this guy and I'm like "Who man, watch out!" and he's like "Take it easy" so I'm thinking "Take it easy, how can I take it easy?!?!?" (Hand motions EVERYWHERE!) "You walked INTO ME man! What's your problem?" (points out, ridiculous voice, puts hand on chin) so the other guy is like "You almost made me drop my hat."
Hats, I mean what's up with hats?!?!? You've all owned a hat before right? When I was a kid I had this big red hat (starts waving his hands around his head) and I'd wear it everywhere. So what went down was, I went to school and my teacher said "Take off the hat"(ridiculous voice) and I was like "No way, I can't get naked infront of the class" and the teacher was like "Take it off Dane..." and I was like "My head (points to head) needs a cover, or else all of this (still circling head) is in danger" But you're all saying Dane, where can I get a hat like that? You can't, because you arnt awesome like me. Only coolcats like me can wear one. (points to himself)
Coolcats, I mean what's up with those guys? You've all seen coolcats before right? So I was walking down this street right....