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by Flockers » Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:28 pm Alright guys, I thought I'd share with you the emotional trauma I suffered in 3rd period today.
As always, I was cooking up a storm in my 1st period Chef Prep class. I made these killer teriyaki beef kabobs with earned Flockmeister an easy A. The bad boys had peppers, grape 'maters, onions, and chunks steak. My teacher came over and tasted it and graded me on presentation, no sweat.
After she was finished, I loaded up all 4 of those bad boys on my plate and sat at the table and began to chow down. Sooo gooood! I didn't eat my ritual Pop-Tart and Red Bull breakfast that morning so my tummy was rumblin'. I cleaned up when I was done and sat down waiting for the bell to ring.
I went to my next period math class and took a hearty nap in the back row. All that food made me sleepy. After he was done with the lesson, my girlfriend shook me awake and we started the assignment during the last 15 minutes of class. I got about 1/3 done, which means less HW for moi.
The bell rang again and I packed up my books and calculator, heading for the next class. When I got to the bottom of the stairs and squeaky fart escaped (the silent but deadly variety). I've been around a while, so I know this is my body telling me to get ready for the Nuclear Holocaust to begin.
I got to my next class as soon as I could waddle there. I asked my teacher if I could use the bathroom before class started (I dont need any more tardies). He obliged, so I power waddled with my cheeks clenched to the nearest bathroom. My butt barely hit the toilet before WWIII started in the bathroom. Sadly enough, in my hurry I forgot to check on the most important thing....
THERE WASN'T ANY MORE TOILET PAPER!!!
I cursed myself for forgetting Rule #1 of using a public restroom. Anyways, I sat there for about 5 minutes contemplating my predicament. I couldn't come of with an answer. Sadly, I knew my teacher would send out a Search and Rescue crew if I was not back in a few minutes and I didn't want 24 people to know I have mud butt.
I hiked up my pants and went to the next stall where there was a few squares left. I grabbed them and proceeded to wipe as best I could with so little resources. I washed my hands and headed back to class. I was starting to feel better about the day since I wasn't a no TP casualty.
Anyways, I go through the rest of the day and head out to the parking lot for my car to head home. I pull in the driveway and get out. I poked my head back in the car to grab my iPod from the deck and notice a brown splotch on my seat about the size of a baseball. I ran into the house bracing for the worst. I stopped in the hallway, stop, take a deep breath, and turn around.
The worst had come true. I had a gargantuan skid mark right smack dap in the middle of my jeans.
Well anyways, I thought I'd pass this on. I don't know whether anyone else at school noticed (I know there's no way they didn't, the thing was the size of Guam).
Anyone else have some embarrassing moments? Post them here so we can laugh with you.
That's usually a good indicator of whether you are clean or not....
