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"This Happened To Me" Thread

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Postby knapplc » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:05 pm

The Balanced Man wrote:
Atog wrote:At least you weren't the Ryan's Steakhouse guy ;-D


(What is Ryan's Steakhouse, you ask? Prepare yourself before clicking-http://www.shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm ...PREPARE YOURSELF)



That may be the funniest thing I have ever read. I literally laughed out loud more times than I can count. Coworkers are staring...

Yeah, that was pretty good. I laughed so hard last night my wife called downstairs to shut me up so I wouldn't wake up our daughter. Great story.
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Postby jayday » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:16 pm

knapplc is a SMOOOOOTH OPERATOR :-b

Dude I can't believe all that actually went down....and you got away with it....

On a side note, you really have some writing ability...good storyteller ;-D
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Postby knapplc » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:57 pm

I can't believe that only two people in the Cafe have had similar experiences like Flockers and I.

Don't be shy, people! Nobody is going to rip on you too much for disclosing your embarrassing personal disasters.
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Postby Redskins Win » Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:53 pm

knapplc wrote:I can't believe that only two people in the Cafe have had similar experiences like Flockers and I.

Don't be shy, people! Nobody is going to rip on you too much for disclosing your embarrassing personal disasters.


I don't think my poop stories could compare to either of yours.
But I will tell you that the other day at work, I'm on the 3rd floor and my office building has 3 floors with 1 bathroom with 3 stalls and 2 stand ups on each. Well, I had a quick return on my lunch and felt the churning and hustled to the bathroom on my floor it's not very far. But the mioddle stall was occupied and being a bit of closet privacy guy meaning I don't like pooping next to another dude, I hustled down the stairs to the second floor with clinched cheeks, did a quick check for feet. Sure enough in the middle stall and end stall there were feet. I resolved myself on my way down the stairs that if there was a stall between then I would let my privacy feeling go and take a spot on the end. So 2 pairs of was no sale. I fake washed my hands and ran out to the stairs down to the final a first floor. As I'm jolting for the can a co-worker is going in at the same time. He knows I don't work on that floor. Now I feel like"crap now he's gonna know who's feet the pooper belongs to and this gives me great angst. but the stalls are clear he goes for the urinal and I go for handicrapper at the end. I didn't even grab one of those paper covers I had no time. I drop trou and no sooner does my butt hit the seat that an eruption occurs, lots of noise lots of splashing lots of relief. It was at the very moment when I realized what the word Holy Sh*t meant.

There now that's 3 toilet stories ;-D
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[size=14][b]Letters from the procupine, they'll stick straight through you.
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Postby josebach » Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:58 pm

Ok, I'll play. My story is even football related.

New Year's day. National Championship game, New Orleans, Lousiana. FSU vs Florida.

Forget that one.

I was in college, sharing a bedroom with a teammate. Two single beds. Drunk off my ass. I was woken up by my roommate yelling at me. Apparently, I had mistaken his leg hanging off the side of the bed for a toilet and was pissing all over it. I never did figure out why he was so angry. :-b
Last edited by josebach on Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby ljthockey » Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:24 pm

So flock you had to go back out to your car and clean the crap off the seat? :-P Good luck keeping that girlfriend.
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Postby MadScott » Fri Jan 13, 2006 6:48 pm

Confucius say, "Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger...." :-b
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Postby Ripcord » Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:04 am

Okay i will play along.

About 2 years ago i was at a friends house for a party. Now my friends house is about 4 city blocks away from my house. Well anyway i had spent the entire night drinking beer and jagrmeister. Which is a great combo if you want to completely shut your brain off. Anyway after drinking a incredible amount and becoming absolutely drunk off my rocker. I decided it would be a great idea to start making drinks for my self with stuff in the house (I am a bartender so it's not so dumb). Anyway i got to thepoint where i decided to make a drink i cameup with in school. It has whiskey, coke and choclate milk, with a shot of grenedine it gives it a tint of red, anyway lets say i forgot a small but important detail in making drinks that coke goes before milk or the milk curdels. But me being drunk did it the other way, you can see where this is going.

Now alittle back story we ate at tacobell for supper.

Now as i drank the curdeled milk I thought nothing of it andwent on about my buisness. After about an hour my stomach gets this awesome gurgeling to it. So i run to the bathroom pushing women and men a likedown and tossing my best friend out of the bathroom. Anyway i get in there lock the door and a slight feeling of relief comes over me as i know i have made it to the alter and will now prey to the porcilen gods. soasi kneel down and begin to scream at thetoilet withall the might in my body, something happens that even in my own drunken state i will remember forever. With all the might in my body pushing everything upward apparently a few muscels thought to rebel and push things the other way. Yep thats right i had pushed so gard i poop my self, and not just poop i had a taco bell poop. a runny mexican poop. Now in a stateof panicki had looked backwards and while still puking managed to puke all over the bathroom and myself. So i was sitting thereall covered in my own poop and vomit. Needless to say i was in quite the perdicamint. So in my ever wonderful wisdom i decided that there was no way i was going out the door so i decided to go out the window. Did i mention that i was in the second floor of his house. Anyway after getting out the window i anaged to clime over to the balcony and shimy down thepole to the backyard. So I think I'm all in the clear, when i got down i ran into the worst person possible. My Best friend, when i kicked him out of the bathroom he had gone down to the backyard to take a piss, needless to say when he say me he walk up and decided to have a chat.But as anyone would have he smelt me from about a mile away. He had a great laugh and proceded to push me over in my drunken state. (We do this stuff to each other when we are drunk) but when i landed i landed on my ass and could fell the load in my pants squish. So i got up and ran home. I got home and got in the shower and put my clothes in the sink and washed them out. I then went to bed. In the morninhg i woke up with the worst hangover ever. But even in this state I could remember everything. So i just felt shitty.(lol) anyway i got up and decided to go get some coffee. But i couldn't find my shoes. i thought long andhard and then realised in my escape i had left my shoes at my buddys house. Soi through on my sandlesand went to retreave my shoes. I thought i would do so very sneaky and grab themand go. So i slipped in the back door and grabbed my shoes, but when i grabbed them i noticed a piece of paper in my shoes andit went a little bit like this

Dear Poopy Pants
Bet you have a bad headache huh.
well you did a nice job on my bathroom.
so i did you a favour and attached my bill
to this note.

He charged me 40 dollars. and a lot of jokes that i still get to this day.

Pretty crappy story eh. I can't leaveall you guys hangin without my story, don't mind my spelling.

edited by SNS-language.
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Postby TN_Titans_05 » Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:33 am

Ripcord wrote:Okay i will play along.

About 2 years ago i was at a friends house for a party. Now my friends house is about 4 city blocks away from my house. Well anyway i had spent the entire night drinking beer and jagrmeister. Which is a great combo if you want to completely shut your brain off. Anyway after drinking a incredible amount and becoming absolutely drunk off my rocker. I decided it would be a great idea to start making drinks for my self with stuff in the house (I am a bartender so it's not so dumb). Anyway i got to thepoint where i decided to make a drink i cameup with in school. It has whiskey, coke and choclate milk, with a shot of grenedine it gives it a tint of red, anyway lets say i forgot a small but important detail in making drinks that coke goes before milk or the milk curdels. But me being drunk did it the other way, you can see where this is going.

Now alittle back story we ate at tacobell for supper.

Now as i drank the curdeled milk I thought nothing of it andwent on about my buisness. After about an hour my stomach gets this awesome gurgeling to it. So i run to the bathroom pushing women and men a likedown and tossing my best friend out of the bathroom. Anyway i get in there lock the door and a slight feeling of relief comes over me as i know i have made it to the alter and will now prey to the porcilen gods. soasi kneel down and begin to scream at thetoilet withall the might in my body, something happens that even in my own drunken state i will remember forever. With all the might in my body pushing everything upward apparently a few muscels thought to rebel and push things the other way. Yep thats right i had pushed so gard i shit my self, and not just shit i had a taco bell shit. a runny mexican shit. Now in a stateof panicki had looked backwards and while still puking managed to puke all over the bathroom and myself. So i was sitting thereall covered in my own shit and vomit. Needless to say i was in quite the perdicamint. So in my ever wonderful wisdom i decided that there was no way i was going out the door so i decided to go out the window. Did i mention that i was in the second floor of his house. Anyway after getting out the window i anaged to clime over to the balcony and shimy down thepole to the backyard. So I think I'm all in the clear, when i got down i ran into the worst person possible. My Best friend, when i kicked him out of the bathroom he had gone down to the backyard to take a piss, needless to say when he say me he walk up and decided to have a chat.But as anyone would have he smelt me from about a mile away. He had a great laugh and proceded to push me over in my drunken state. (We do this stuff to each other when we are drunk) but when i landed i landed on my ass and could fell the load in my pants squish. So i got up and ran home. I got home and got in the shower and put my clothes in the sink and washed them out. I then went to bed. In the morninhg i woke up with the worst hangover ever. But even in this state I could remember everything. So i just felt shitty.(lol) anyway i got up and decided to go get some coffee. But i couldn't find my shoes. i thought long andhard and then realised in my escape i had left my shoes at my buddys house. Soi through on my sandlesand went to retreave my shoes. I thought i would do so very sneaky and grab themand go. So i slipped in the back door and grabbed my shoes, but when i grabbed them i noticed a piece of paper in my shoes andit went a little bit like this

Dear Poopy Pants
Bet you have a bad headache huh.
well you did a nice job on my bathroom.
so i did you a favour and attached my bill
to this note.

He charged me 40 dollars. and a lot of jokes that i still get to this day.

Pretty crappy story eh. I can't leaveall you guys hangin without my story, don't mind my spelling.


Good story! Does it have anything to do with your name?? ;-)
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Postby knapplc » Sat Jan 14, 2006 10:01 am

Great story, Rip! ;-D

This happened two years ago - have they let you forget it yet?
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