this is my latest article for my school's paper. I figure if anyone wants to read the insights into the mind of No1, now you can. If you don't, you should probably click on "General Talk," or proceed to a forum or website of your choice. Enjoy...
A Maddening Turn of Events
No1cowboysfan, Staff Writer
This season marks the ending of an important era in the National Football League.
I am speaking, of course, to the drastic changes being made on Monday Night Football.
Monday Night Football, the NFL's most popular game each week, is being moved from ABC to ESPN, beginning next year. But if Monday Night Football is supposed to be nationally broadcasted, why is it being moved to a cable channel?
Granted, most people nowadays have cable (unless they're Amish, living in a cave, or from Iowa), but the NFL should have made the extra effort to make this great tradition available to everyone.
The only reason why moving Monday Night Football makes any sense is to stop John Madden from commentating on it.
John Madden, for those who don't know, is the man who was once a coach for the Raiders and took his team to a Super Bowl, beginning the grand "tradition of excellence" the Raiders have based their franchise on. Somewhere along the way, he lost his mind, and started his new career in the broadcast booth.
To be fair, he might not be brain dead - he might have just been kidnapped and replaced by some maniacal robot programmed to praise Brett Favre, state the obvious and speak in clichés.
(Here's an example:) Al Michaels: "John, this upcoming bout between the Green Bay Packers and the Dallas Cowboys looks to be a fairly balanced matchup for both teams. Who do you think has the edge going into this one?"
John Madden: "Well, Al, it truly does seem to be a clash of the titans. Each team is going to want to knock this one out of the park, play some smash-mouth football and give 110 percent. Now if I'm Brett Favre, what I want to do tonight is score more points than the other team. In this kind of ball game, the team that scores the most points is going to win. By completing passes and running the ball well, Green Bay will be able to move the chains, and therefore be more likely to score points. Of course, Dallas' defense will try to stop Green Bay's offense. If Dallas is able to keep Green Bay from scoring more points than Dallas scores, they're likely going to win this one."
(Fast forward to halftime: Brett Favre is 6-of-21 passing with 3 interceptions.)
AM: "Favre goes back to pass, he's under heavy rush and Favre throws it! The receiver's triple-covered, and … yes, it's picked off by Terrence Newman! Again! John, why did Favre force the pass into triple coverage like that?"
JM: "Al, Brett Favre is a fierce competitor, and Brett Favre knows that Brett Favre can throw the ball to any place on the field that Brett Favre desires. Brett Favre threw the interception because the pass went farther downfield than a punt would have gone. Brett Favre just netted his team about 20-yards of extra field position. Brett Favre can do no wrong."
(Al Michaels searches http://www.monster.com for job listings.)
These rants cause many viewers to slowly lose their minds.
Of course, Madden's mindless babble is far superior to the "entertainment likings" of Joe Theismann, Mike Patrick and Paul Maguire, the ESPN Sunday Night Football crew. He's better than Dennis Miller, the cynical comedian who commentated for Monday Night Football before Madden. Miller wasn't that bad - it just would have helped if he knew anything about football.
Sometimes I wish I was the new NFL commissioner. I would set things right. Here are a few of my ideas:
No. one: Encourage ESPN to sign Al Michaels so he can keep announcing Monday Night Football - without John Madden.
No. two: Change the NFL's current overtime rules to the NCAA's overtime rules. Victory by coin flip is hardly exciting. Kick return, run play, run play, run play, run play, field goal. Whoopee.
No. three: Buy Jake Plummer a razor.
No. four: Encourage New England Patriots head coach Bill Belicheck to dress more like a well-respected three-time Super Bowl-winning strategist, and less like a disgruntled hobo.
With these changes, and more to come, I hope to clean up the NFL's image, and reaffirm football as our nation's true pastime.
It's what Brett Favre would want.