Here's what I wrote back in the day:
The 'Cuna's explanation of the origins of 'canacuna' from back in the day wrote:Canacuna wrote:For all you newbs... here's what I wrote back in the day (slightly edited for corrections + additional footage!). Remember when I actually had wit and was considered annoying, yet bordering on kind of funny by the Cafe community? Ah, those were the days...The 'Cuna wrote:The story of he who would become Canacuna is an epic adventure that will send you through a plethora of emotions. You will laugh. You will cry. You will be thoroughly engaged in the story of he who would become Canacuna.
It all started many a years ago when Al Gore concocted a little something we like to call the internet. Flash forward many a years.
It was a nice, warm spring day. Canacuna's parents decided it was time to invest in a computer. They went to the local Gateway store and put a big wad of money on the counter, demanding their state-of-the-art piece of machinery. After being informed their computer would be made special for them, according to their specifications, and would arrive in a few short weeks, they calmly sat down and listened to the salesperson.
Two weeks are so accumulated when out of nowhere, there was a mighty ring on the doorbell of the home in which Canacuna took up residence. It was the trusty UPS man. The computer had arrived.
After the computer was all set up, Canacuna's parents decided that they should be connected to the world wide web. They started with a fledgling company, called WOW!. It advertised premium child safety, so naturally that was the choice. Canacuna's parents decided it would give little Canacuna extra resources to excel in his fourth grade class. He was allowed to choose his own username, and he did. He was now known to the online community as "DudeAlert". Unfortunately, WOW! wasn't a very profitable company and was shut down not many months later.
Next stop for Canacuna was MSN. He was known simply as Guest1938, or something similar. Unfortunately, Canacuna's protective mother read something in a magazine about the lack of parental controls on MSN and became worrisome that little Canacuna may be getting exposed to things that he shouldn't see. That was the end of that.
AOL was the next, and most important stop in the line of Canacuna's internet providers. He entered AOL with the username "CyberJonny". Unaware of the term for internet sex, "cyber," lil' Canacuna received many odd instant messages that puzzled the young boy. One day his older cousin, Dustin, came to visit. He logged on to lil' Canacuna's account and proceeded to have some fun with these instant messages, along with some other things that ultimately lead to Canacuna's account being deleted by the authorities at AOL.
Outraged, Canacuna's parents called the AOL Customer Service line and got the entire situation straightened out. Canacuna was back! ...but under a different username. He was now known as CowFish85 - something he considered clever at the time. That didn't last long, though. Canacuna began visiting chat rooms on AOL and was impressed by the much cooler and innovative user names others had. Canacuna felt that "CowFish85" was a little immature, even for a young child such as himself. He decided it was time for a change - "EvilAgent". Why EvilAgent? Well, lil' Canacuna had just finished playing Goldeneye for the N64 and went through a little awkward spy phase...
EvilAgent became a popular visitor to the chat rooms. He had gained quite a following in the AOL chats and was a well respected member. However he soon outgrew his spy phase and wanted yet another identity.
Unfortunately, all of the cool names lil' Canacuna liked were taken due to AOLs ever expanding membership clientel. He had thought of everything he could and had finally given up. He decided to slam the keyboard and piece together whatever letters were pushed into something that might be able to be pronounced.
His first screen name that followed these guidelines was Radull. Radull became fairly popular and even started his own monthly newsletter that ranted on a little everything - sports, politics, movies, music, and the like (however it was poorly written, as most other 12 year-old rants tend to be). Unfortunately for lil' Canacuna, he had a tough guy mentality that went along with the name "Radull" and enjoyed cussing people out whenever they disagreed with him - deciding it was a quicker way to end arguments than in a civilized manner. Apparently, those cussing outbursts went against AOL's TOS guidelines, and lil' Canacuna's account was deleted - again.
Canacuna was without the internet for about six months before his parents decided it was in their best interests to get it back. With that, Canacuna needed to decide on a new username. He had been getting into videogames at the time and even aspired to have a career in videogames. Knowing the Japanese played a big role in the videogame industry, Canacuna purchased an English-Japanese dictionary. He lost interest in little over a week though, so the book went to waste. Or did it?
Canacuna couldn't decide on a new username, so he checked his handy Japanese dictionary for something cool. "Hiryuu" jumped out at him - it had something to do with dragons or something. But anyway, Canacuna took it. ...However, Canacuna began to be entertained by messing with people in chat rooms and one day took something a little too far and was kicked off AOL yet again.
...So Canacuna got a new account, again, and proceeded to mash the keyboard. He mashed out "can". That was taken. He thought, "What letter could I add to make "can" a cool name? "cane"? "canu"? "cann"? No. "cana"? Oh, that's just too awesome. "Cana" was taken, though. "Canai"? "Canak"? All of those were taken, too. Canacuna needed something a little longer.
He mashed the keyboard again, and "cun" appeared. He decided to put "cana" and "cun" together to make an almost perfect username - "Canacun."
As "Canacun", The 'Cuna re-entered the chat room community. He gained much fame and following, only to become aware of an error on AOL's part. For some odd reason, "Canacun" wasn't able to receive e-mail. As popular as The 'Cuna was at the time, it was only right for people to have access to him - an e-mail account was necessary and had to be acquired!
...so I added an "a" at the end. That's been my username for about six or seven years now.
And that friends, is how Canacuna came to be.
This is long due to extreme boredom on my part. Hopefully you're not bored enough to have read all of that.
Wow, I wrote that when I was still referring to myself as 'canacuna' instead of 'The 'Cuna'. That's a while ago.