An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins: "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
[/quote]
this was a hit on Easter Sunday with my cousins. Thanks!
i was expecting to see that stupid "worlds funniest joke" from a few years ago about the stolen tent
Stolen tent was actually the runner-up *
The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool, England:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
Possibly not a joke, I don't know. Got it in an e-mail, thought it was funny, and thought I'd post it here and bump up this thread.
Subject: Why underwear is important Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2006 16:35:28 +0000
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back out of site. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her! husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...
IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day. AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behaviour. AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet. AT WORK........You have to share.
IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out. AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic. AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes. AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.
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by Dirt Bag » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:20 pm 
