Funniest Drinking/College Stories...

[Warpigs]

Not to promote drinking or anything, but I'm sure that a number of the cafe faithful are old enough to drink and have some funny or interesting stories to share about their drinking days or wild College experiences. Thought it would be fun to share, and since yours truly was a regular college fun house, I'll kick it off with these true-life situations from my college days...

**DISCLAIMER**(It is recommended that you don't try these at home -- these stunts were preformed by professional college alcoholics and could be dangerous to the average sober individual)

1. Our all-freshman intramural softball team (The Warpigs!) defied all odds and won the IM softball championship over perennial powerhouse Doom. We all went to a small cabin in the woods and dipped into a keg to celebrate. Several hours into the night (after most were sloshed), someone had the great idea to symbollically put the team name "Doom" on an old T-shirt and then we all tore pieces off the shirt and ceremonially stuck these into the fire. One of the very drunk teammates decided it would be cool to chuck the burning piece of T-shirt in the air like a graduation cap, and it landed on my head. Being less than sober myself, I didn't notice the burning shirt on my head at first, but then it sunk in when everyone was pointing and laughing. I ran down into a decent-sized creek and stuck my head into the water. The shirt had burnt/melted (it was mostly polyester) into my right ear and right side of my head, and even after the creek put the fire out, my ear/head was killing me. In the cabin we found a block of frozen scrapple in the freezer. I spent the rest of the outing walking around with the frozen scrapple on my head (of course, I went back to the keg -- no sense in letting good beer go to waste, and it helped dull the pain).

2. A couple of us were a little sloshed and sitting in our dorm room playing video games. None of us wanted to stop, and we thought we could have some fun with this, so we urinated in a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew (there wasn't much Dew left in the bottle). One of the other dorm guys came back from the bars drunk and announced he was pretty thirsty. We were kind enough to share our Mountain Dew. He drank, said it tasted somewhat orangy. He drank some more and almost finished off the bottle. Needless to say, he spent some time making out with the porcelain throne in the community bathroom that evening -- especially after we told him the full story.

3. While this story is a little more common, we all hated our Resident Advisor during freshman year. We had our fun playing pranks on him. One of which included leaning a full garbage can against his door and someone knocking and taking cover. The RA wasn't too happy about garbage-laced carpet in his room after that. We were also nice enough to leave toothpaste messages on the Welcome Mat in front of his door.

4. This last story is less a comedy and more a drama -- but we were partying in one of the dorm rooms during the SuperBowl and some shmuck hit the fire alarm. While we were all outside screaming at security to let us back in ASAP (the Packers were playing!), they followed through with the protocol of locking each dorm room door after checking to make sure there was no one inside. None of us had keys when we came back in, and like I said -- the Packers were playing. I bull-rushed the door and smashed it in. The next day I got the bill, but it was worth every penny to see Favre in the big game.

WP