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Slightly Off Center...

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Fri May 12, 2006 12:57 pm

Some 'interesting' excerpts from a USAToday website...

Hungry? Try a "Fat in Chocolate"
KIEV, Ukraine — A Ukrainian candy company has begun marketing what may be the stickiest, richest and most fattening treat on the market: pure pork fat covered in chocolate. Cracking open a finger-sized stick of ''Fat in Chocolate'' reveals exactly that: a vein of white fat. The dark chocolate product pokes fun at the traditional Ukrainian snack of salo, or salted pork fat, usually consumed with vodka and pickles.


Champion liar tells good, clean story
BURLINGTON, Wis. — Gordon Zwicky's outrageous tale about his trip to Florida earned him top honors in this year's Burlington Liars Club contest. Zwicky, 72, beat out 299 other entries from 31 states and Canada. Zwicky claimed he and his wife, Dorothy, won the lottery and decided to drive to Florida. Their neighbor told them they would be fine as long as they paid attention to the road signs. ''Thirty miles from home they saw a sign stating, 'Clean Restrooms Ahead.' Two months later they arrived in Florida,'' the tale read. By that time, they had cleaned 450 restrooms using 267 rolls of paper towels, three cases of bowl cleaner and 86 bottles of Windex. They were so tired, they immediately left for home.


Who gets to blow out the candles?
HOFFMAN ESTATES, Ill. — Expect a big birthday party next year in the Greco household. Suzanne and Michael Greco celebrated their shared birthday Saturday by welcoming their first child, 8-pound, 8-ounce Maxwell Allen Greco. ''We're wondering what the odds are of having the whole family born on the same day,'' said Vicki Greco, Michael's mother. ''It's just amazing.''


Cop's dummy partner not deductible
SAN FRANCISCO — A police officer whom voters let patrol with a 10-pound wooden dummy partner can't deduct the campaign costs as a business expense, a court said. Robert Geary spent nearly $11,500 of his own money to get the measure on the 1993 ballot, a move designed to counter the brass who ordered the ventriloquist dummy to remain in a locker because they said it made the department look silly. San Francisco voters, though, approved of using the Howdy Doody look-alike, Officer Brendan O'Smarty, to calm children. Now, Geary must pay the Internal Revenue Service $3,500 in back taxes.


Football seats mark man's grave
MOUNT LEBANON, Pa. — Paul Wellener's family found the perfect marker for his grave: two blue plastic seats from the Three Rivers Stadium auction. Wellener, a lifelong football fan and a Pittsburgh Steelers season ticket holder for 42 years, died unexpectedly on March 16. Wellener's son, Paul, and widow, Mary Ann, bought three pairs of stadium seats for $2,100 at an auction — and knew they had found the perfect gravestone.


Man makes 3 photocopies of his buttocks
CLAYTON, Mo. — Police arrested a man who allegedly dropped his pants in the crowded lobby of the St. Louis County Courthouse and made photocopies of his buttocks. Police found Daniel Everett holding two copies he had already made. He was making a third. ''What did I do? What did I do?'' witnesses said Everett asked police. Everett, an immature 38, told police that the copies were intended as a practical joke for his girlfriend.


Take the money and run
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — The driver of a Brinks armored truck apparently took the money and ran. James Parker drove away in the truck — carrying several hundred thousand dollars — after a co-worker left the vehicle to pick up a deposit at a home-improvement store. The truck was found later with the engine running in the Brinks parking lot — but Parker and the cash remain missing. Parker has yet to be found.
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Postby Jimboozie » Fri May 12, 2006 5:18 pm

Good reads, Omaha.

My fav. is the championship liar one. :-]
I don't know how anyone could keep a straight face telling that story.
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Re: Slightly Off Center...

Postby steelerfan513 » Fri May 12, 2006 5:22 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Football seats mark man's grave
MOUNT LEBANON, Pa. — Paul Wellener's family found the perfect marker for his grave: two blue plastic seats from the Three Rivers Stadium auction. Wellener, a lifelong football fan and a Pittsburgh Steelers season ticket holder for 42 years, died unexpectedly on March 16. Wellener's son, Paul, and widow, Mary Ann, bought three pairs of stadium seats for $2,100 at an auction — and knew they had found the perfect gravestone.




dude, i used to live in mount lebanon! 8-o
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Postby Popcynical » Fri May 12, 2006 6:33 pm

I could really go for one of those candy bars right about now. :-b
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Re: Slightly Off Center...

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Sat May 13, 2006 8:03 am

steelerfan513 wrote:
Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Football seats mark man's grave
MOUNT LEBANON, Pa. — Paul Wellener's family found the perfect marker for his grave: two blue plastic seats from the Three Rivers Stadium auction. Wellener, a lifelong football fan and a Pittsburgh Steelers season ticket holder for 42 years, died unexpectedly on March 16. Wellener's son, Paul, and widow, Mary Ann, bought three pairs of stadium seats for $2,100 at an auction — and knew they had found the perfect gravestone.




dude, i used to live in mount lebanon! 8-o


I thought you'd like that one.
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Sat May 13, 2006 8:04 am

Popcynical wrote:I could really go for one of those candy bars right about now. :-b


Because you have a deathwish?
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Postby Popcynical » Sat May 13, 2006 4:02 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Popcynical wrote:I could really go for one of those candy bars right about now. :-b


Because you have a deathwish?


Pork rinds + Chocolate = Win

;-D
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Re: Slightly Off Center...

Postby confused_jake » Sun May 14, 2006 5:28 am

Man makes 3 photocopies of his buttocks
CLAYTON, Mo. — Police arrested a man who allegedly dropped his pants in the crowded lobby of the St. Louis County Courthouse and made photocopies of his buttocks. Police found Daniel Everett holding two copies he had already made. He was making a third. ''What did I do? What did I do?'' witnesses said Everett asked police. Everett, an immature 38, told police that the copies were intended as a practical joke for his girlfriend.




I love how they had to say that the guy was immature.
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