TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.
1. " ...... AMEN!"
Things Not To Say to Police Officers:
1. Are you Andy or Barney?
2. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
3. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
4. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
5. I pay your salary!
6. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
7. Hey, you must've been doing' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Things to Never Say to a Woman During an Argument
Whoa, time out. Football is on.
Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.
Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
Don't you have some laundry to do or something?
You are so cute when you get mad.
You're just upset because your bottom is beginning to spread.
Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?
You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!
Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.
You Might Be A Computer Nerd If ...
your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
you want an 48X CDROM for Christmas
Dilbert is your hero
you introduce your wife as "firstname.lastname@example.org"
you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place