Funnies - Fantasy Football Cafe 2014 Fantasy Football Cafe


Return to General Talk

Funnies

Moderator: Football Moderators

Funnies

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Tue May 16, 2006 3:07 pm

TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.
1. " ...... AMEN!"


Things Not To Say to Police Officers:

1. Are you Andy or Barney?

2. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

3. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

4. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

5. I pay your salary!

6. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

7. Hey, you must've been doing' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"


Things to Never Say to a Woman During an Argument


Whoa, time out. Football is on.

Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.

Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?

Don't you have some laundry to do or something?

You are so cute when you get mad.

You're just upset because your bottom is beginning to spread.

Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?

You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?

Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!

Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.


You Might Be A Computer Nerd If ...
your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
you want an 48X CDROM for Christmas
Dilbert is your hero
you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
Omaha Red Sox
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Cafe Ranker
Posts: 12290
Joined: 29 Jun 2005
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Probably over there

Postby mysticphysh » Tue May 16, 2006 3:14 pm

Funny stuff. I'm glad to know I'm not a computer nerd.



" ...... AMEN!"
Image
mysticphysh
General Manager
General Manager


Posts: 3465
Joined: 30 Sep 2005
Home Cafe: Football

Postby terpfan » Tue May 16, 2006 3:56 pm

Hahaha those were good and new for the most part. The sleeping at work ones were the best.
terpfan
Mod in Retirement
Mod in Retirement

User avatar
CafeholicFantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeCafe MusketeerSweet 16 ChampionPick 3 Weekly Winner
Posts: 11116
Joined: 30 May 2002
Home Cafe: Football

Postby Tiki » Tue May 16, 2006 4:21 pm

I like the gettting caught sleepng at work ones.
Great post! ;-D
Keep it lit.
Tiki
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Graphics ExpertMock(ing) DrafterPick 3 ChampionSweet 16 SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 7020
Joined: 25 Nov 2003
Home Cafe: Football
Location: '08 DOM-35.

Postby knapplc » Tue May 16, 2006 4:39 pm

Is it bad that I've said at least two of the "Things to Never Say to a Woman During an Argument" ? :-?
Image
How 'bout them Huskers!
knapplc
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Cafe WriterCafe RankerGolden Eagle EyeCafe MusketeerCafe Blackjack Weekly Winner
Posts: 18961
Joined: 27 Dec 2004
Home Cafe: Football
Location: It's an L, not an I

Postby mysticphysh » Tue May 16, 2006 4:41 pm

knapplc wrote:Is it bad that I've said at least two of the "Things to Never Say to a Woman During an Argument" ? :-?


which 2? :-b
Image
mysticphysh
General Manager
General Manager


Posts: 3465
Joined: 30 Sep 2005
Home Cafe: Football

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Tue May 16, 2006 4:46 pm

mysticphysh wrote:
knapplc wrote:Is it bad that I've said at least two of the "Things to Never Say to a Woman During an Argument" ? :-?


which 2? :-b


I'm guessing definitely the first one.
Omaha Red Sox
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Cafe Ranker
Posts: 12290
Joined: 29 Jun 2005
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Probably over there

Postby Mercer Boy » Tue May 16, 2006 7:04 pm

You Might Be A Computer Nerd If ...
your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50 (quite possible...it's a running watch with a lot of features)
you want an 48X CDROM for Christmas
Dilbert is your hero
you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

Well, those are mine... O:-) That wife introduction is pretty money though, hah! ;-D
The One, the Only, the Incomparable Mercer Boy.
My My YouTube.
Mercer Boy
Mod in Retirement
Mod in Retirement

User avatar
Fantasy ExpertCafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeCafe MusketeerWeb SupporterLucky Ladders ChampionPick 3 Weekly WinnerSweet 16 SurvivorCafe Blackjack Weekly Winner
Posts: 12045
Joined: 22 Oct 2003
Home Cafe: Football
Location: New Castle, PA

Postby Tiki » Tue May 16, 2006 8:10 pm

The Monty Python deal is wrong, if you can't quote Monty Python, well I don't I know you. ;-D
Keep it lit.
Tiki
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Graphics ExpertMock(ing) DrafterPick 3 ChampionSweet 16 SurvivorLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 7020
Joined: 25 Nov 2003
Home Cafe: Football
Location: '08 DOM-35.

Postby PACKman1144 » Wed May 17, 2006 8:04 pm

Tiki wrote:The Monty Python deal is wrong, if you can't quote Monty Python, well I don't I know you. ;-D


He speaketh truth
PACKman1144
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar
Mock(ing) DrafterPick 3 Weekly WinnerMatchup Meltdown Survivor
Posts: 2636
Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Home Cafe: Football
Location: NC State

Next

Return to General Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

Forums Articles & Tips Start & Sit Sleepers Rankings Leagues


Get Ready...
The 2014 NFL season kicks off in 10:07 hours
(and 42 days)
2014 NFL Schedule


  • Fantasy Football
  • Article Submissions
  • Privacy Statement
  • Site Survey 
  • Contact