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Blonde Joke

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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Thu Nov 30, 2006 8:35 am

Got a funny blonde joke in an email this morning at work...

A Blonde's Year In Review

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was
too tight

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to
print labels Helllooo!!! ... bottles won't fit in
typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle
in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on the Macy's escalator for hours
after the power went out!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong
instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those
little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a
lake with a slope.

July -Lost breast stroke swimming competition ......
learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used
their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm .car
swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't
it???

October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2
days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I
weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no
"eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
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Postby Metroid » Thu Nov 30, 2006 10:52 am

Omaha Red Sox wrote:The capital of California is "C".....isn't
it???


Ha! Nice. :-b ;-D
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Postby joelamosobadiah » Thu Nov 30, 2006 11:01 am

I've always loned this one ;-D

Finally A Smart Blonde Joke

A blonde walks into a New York City Bank and asks for the loan officer.

She says she is going to Europe on business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says he will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a brand new Porsche parked out the front of the bank.

With the title and paper work all checked out, the bank agrees to accept the car as security for the loan.

The loan officer drives the new Porsche into the bank's underground garage and park's it there.

Two week's later the blonde returns, repays the $5,000's she loaned, and $15.40 interest that accumulated. The loan officer approaches the blonde and says "We here at the bank are very happy that this transaction has worked out, but while you were away, I checked you out, and I'm a little
puzzled. I found out that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles me is why you would bother to borrow $5,000.

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?
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Postby Metroid » Thu Nov 30, 2006 11:06 am

joelamosobadiah wrote:I've always loned this one ;-D

Finally A Smart Blonde Joke

A blonde walks into a New York City Bank and asks for the loan officer.

She says she is going to Europe on business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says he will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a brand new Porsche parked out the front of the bank.

With the title and paper work all checked out, the bank agrees to accept the car as security for the loan.

The loan officer drives the new Porsche into the bank's underground garage and park's it there.

Two week's later the blonde returns, repays the $5,000's she loaned, and $15.40 interest that accumulated. The loan officer approaches the blonde and says "We here at the bank are very happy that this transaction has worked out, but while you were away, I checked you out, and I'm a little
puzzled. I found out that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles me is why you would bother to borrow $5,000.

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?


I've never heard that one. Thats great. ;-D
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Postby Twisted Sister » Thu Nov 30, 2006 12:57 pm

no1cowboysfan wrote:
Omaha Red Sox wrote:
no1cowboysfan wrote:At the risk of ridicule, I don't get it.

I know nothing about cars. I have no idea what that picture is in reference to.

Anyone want to let me in on this, so I can avoid future embarassments when I'm actually talking to people?


Grab your computer and turn it upside down. :-b


I = stoopid. :-B

I just naturally figured it was some car part I should but don't know anything about. :-D


Do you have blonde hair?
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Postby Metroid » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:18 pm

Classic blonde one liners...

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that...........
1. she called me to get my phone number.
2. she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate.".
3. she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
4.she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
5.she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
6.she tried to drown a fish.
7.she thought a quarterback was a refund.
8.she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
9.she tripped over a cordless phone.
10.she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
11.she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
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Postby steelerfan513 » Fri Dec 01, 2006 3:13 pm

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing t he conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her......

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Fri Dec 01, 2006 4:47 pm

That's one of the few jokes I have memorized steelersfan. I love it. :-b
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Postby steelerfan513 » Fri Dec 01, 2006 5:01 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:That's one of the few jokes I have memorized steelersfan. I love it. :-b


it still cant hurt posting it for the 270,000th time :-D
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:51 am

>Subject: Fw: Blonde Painter
>>
>
> >This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
> >blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she
> >decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
> >
> >While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
> >paint a couple of rooms in the house.
> >
> >The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down
> >to the task at hand.
> >
> >Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
> >paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
> >floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
> >parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
> >her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
> >replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women
> >are dumb, and she wanted to do it, by painting the house. He then
> >asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.
> >
> >She replied that she was reading the directions on the paint can and
> >it said . . .
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"
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