The Cleveland Browns , coming off a 19-14 opening-day loss to the New Orleans Saints , are getting set for this season's first installment of the Battle of Ohio.
The upstarts will take on arguably the AFC North's best team, the dominant Cincinnati Bengals . In all honesty, the Browns will basically need a miracle to win this game, considering they're inferior to the Bengals, who are making their home debut. Obviously, that makes matters even worse.
Nevertheless, short of a miracle, there are a few ways the Browns can win this weekend, even if they're incredibly unrealistic.
1. Every single Bengals starter gets arrested:
Cincinnati made plenty of headlines during the offseason with a handful of notable players getting arrested. Who knows? Perhaps that kind of luck can shine down on Cleveland before this Sunday. Arrested Bengals include Chris Henry (multiple times), Eric Steinbach, A.J. Nicholson and Frostee Rucker, among a few others.
It would be wise for one of the Browns to commit a crime (nothing too serious) and then blame it on Carson Palmer and/or Chad Johnson.
2. Reuben Droughns forgets he's Reuben Droughns and decides he's the second coming of Jim Brown:
In the Browns' first game of the season, their starting running back, Reuben Droughns, was held to just 27 yards on a total of 11 carries. Thus, instead of being inept and barely averaging over two yards per rush, maybe Droughns can at least do his best imitation of team legend Jim Brown, who now works in the Browns' front office. Brown, who played between 1957-1965, is probably the greatest running back in the history of the league. Droughns...not so much.
3. Outplay Cincinnati:
After the first two incredibly unlikely ways the Browns can beat the Bengals, this, although nearly equally unlikely, is the best chance Cleveland has. Let's face it, though: Cleveland doesn't have nearly enough talent to combat the Bengals. Palmer and Johnson really didn't get on track last week against the Chiefs, but you better believe they'll be ready to light up the Browns' secondary this week.
Meanwhile, on the offensive side of the ball for Cleveland, the team's young quarterback, Charlie Frye, is still adapting to the game and will need much more time to become a success. And without a running game, having a solid passing attack against the Bengals' playmaking defense is all but impossible.
Final outcome: Cleveland loses a blowout to Cincinnati, 34-10.