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This sucks

Postby J2thez929 » Wed Nov 15, 2006 11:39 am

I normally dont do this but I feel I need to get a few things off my chest and you guys are a great so there it goes:

I've been dating this girl for over 2 years now. Besides the normal small fights things have been wonderful. She is actually one of those girls that I was considering to maybe/possibly have a future with. So with that said, I find out Monday night that she met this guy Friday and wants to get to know him better. So, oh course, I'm totally pissed about everything and we got into a pretty big arguement. She then tells me yesterday that she wants to be single b/c it's not fair to me if she likes this new guy. I just dont freakin understand women. Its like she wants to up and leave 2 years on the table for a guy she has known for 5 days. Unfreakin real! I guess it's just really hard for me right now b/c she is one of those girls that I want to keep, not lose.

Thanks for listening... I'd appreciate any feedback as to what I should do if I actually want to maybe be with her in the future or should I just give it up b/c of the whole shitty situation and how she basically ditching me for a guy she doesnt even know.
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Postby Metroid » Wed Nov 15, 2006 11:54 am

It sounds to me like she doesnt want to be in a serious relationship any longer. Thats hard to deal with, even more so if you are really into her. If she has said she wants to be single I dont really know if there is much you can do.

A couple questions though,

Did she feel smothered? I mean were you guys already discussing your future together, marriage, kids, house with a white picket fence? Sometimes people entertain these thoughts in the begining but then start to overwhelmed.

What was her dating history before you? Did she date a lot? Has she only been with a few people? And how old is she/you? If shes young and inexperienced she may feel as though she hasnt lived yet.
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Postby Redskins Win » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:03 pm

I think you should a. kick that guys ass out of spite and b. get her name tattoed on your forehead to prove you really love her. ;-D
and c. never take advice from people that only know you as j2thez929
except from people named, metroid, redskins win and moonhead. those guys really know what they're talking about. ;-D
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Postby knapplc » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:12 pm

I'm sorry, J, that really sucks. Unfortunately, weird as they are, women's hearts don't often lie to them. It's a lot less about this "new guy" than it is about your relationship. The fact is that if there wasn't a new guy she'd still be ending it with you. Maybe not today, but it would have happened eventually.

I'm really sorry this happened, but honestly, if she's not willing to go forward now, she never would in the future, either. It's best to know now.

:-/
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Postby J2thez929 » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:13 pm

Metroid wrote:A couple questions though,

Did she feel smothered? I mean were you guys already discussing your future together, marriage, kids, house with a white picket fence? Sometimes people entertain these thoughts in the begining but then start to overwhelmed.

What was her dating history before you? Did she date a lot? Has she only been with a few people? And how old is she/you? If shes young and inexperienced she may feel as though she hasnt lived yet.


No she didnt feel smothered at all. I usually only see her like once or twice a week at most b/c of her being in college and everything. I never really ever talked about marriage b/c that scares the crap out of me. If anything, she was the one who would make suble jokes about kids and a house.
As for her dating history, for the most part she dated about pretty normal when you look at things. This has been the longest relationship for both of us.
I'm 24 and she is 22. I know that sounds young to get serious but we honestly kept things light. She has her own life and same with me. If anything, i dont think i've seen her enough and that might be the reason why she is jumping right into this guy. He lives in the same apartment complex as she does.
Like I said, really want to take Redskins advice and pound that guy but that wouldnt make things better... or maybe it will :-b }:-)
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:18 pm

It's simple J. If you're comfortable with this behavior, try to make it work. If you're not comfortable with it, then enjoy the memories you had with her and move on. Most likely, you just dodged a bullet. Imagine if you had married this girl and made kids with her and then find this out. It's unfortunate and definitely sucks, but if this isn't what you want, keep looking. Just like women should not expect their men to change, we shouldn't expect it from them either.
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Postby Twisted Sister » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:19 pm

Metroid wrote:It sounds to me like she doesnt want to be in a serious relationship any longer. Thats hard to deal with, even more so if you are really into her. If she has said she wants to be single I dont really know if there is much you can do.

A couple questions though,

Did she feel smothered? I mean were you guys already discussing your future together, marriage, kids, house with a white picket fence? Sometimes people entertain these thoughts in the begining but then start to overwhelmed.

What was her dating history before you? Did she date a lot? Has she only been with a few people? And how old is she/you? If shes young and inexperienced she may feel as though she hasnt lived yet.


Metroid... you've really impressed me ;-D I was expecting some pics to cheer him up, but instead you got "deep." :-b
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Postby Twisted Sister » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:27 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:It's simple J. If you're comfortable with this behavior, try to make it work. If you're not comfortable with it, then enjoy the memories you had with her and move on. Most likely, you just dodged a bullet. Imagine if you had married this girl and made kids with her and then find this out. It's unfortunate and definitely sucks, but if this isn't what you want, keep looking. Just like women should not expect their men to change, we shouldn't expect it from them either.


Yeah I completely agree. I also agree with knapp. One piece of advice given to me by a relationship counselor is to keep the cage door open. If she wants to leave, let her leave.

Respect yourself and be with someone who wants to stay ;-D

Didn't want to say this, but things have probably been going on with this guy for a while, that is the typical MO of the situation. It is extremely rare that advance warning will be given, she's probably tested the waters with this guy and is feeling 1) guilty and 2) it's time to move on.

Just be careful and don't assume she's been monogamous (you know what I mean).


Omaha - thanks for the post in my "twista" thread, but I didn't realize you disagree with me a lot :,-(
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Postby Flux » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:31 pm

Sorry to hear the news J...women, basically suck (in the bad way) and there is little we can do about it.

Fact of the matter is, she started dating you at 19 or 20, and that is really young. She may feel she owes herself some time to be single and like Metroid said just experience it.

Obviously, she could figure out that this new guy sucks at life, but the pain it will cause you wondering and waiting is not worth it.

Youre pretty much in a lose-lose situation if you really want her back, b/c no matter what you do, she will act as if its the wrong thing to be doing. If you keep in contact and call her and still tell her how much you care about her, she will think you are being annoying and smothering her, if you back off and dont do anything, she will say she was just looking for a sign from you that you still care about her. Women are just plain evil at times.

We have all been through heartbreak, and it is pretty near damn impossible to live life without going through it.

As hard as it may be, you need to just keep on with your life.


My brother was just recently engaged to a girl he had been dating for 4 years, they lived together, had dogs together, etc. etc. She called off the engagement just recently. Now imagine that? Lifes a bitch.
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Postby gablefan » Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:36 pm

I was CRAZY over this girl I dated in college. I thought she was th eone and we dated longer than I had ever dated anyone before. Well all of sudden she sends me this John Deere letter about how I never listen to her or something like that, I don't know I wasn't really paying any attention... But seriously I was really head over heels and she cheated. Anyway, if we hadn't broken up I would have never met my wife. Wife > Girlfriend. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't. Just thank your lucky stars it happened before you did get married/ have kids/ share bank accounts...
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