The Skippy List

[knapplc]

I'm not 100% sure what this is. I got to this page via StumbleUpon, and I haven't bothered to read the rest of the site.

What I gather is that "Skippy" is in the US Army, and more than likely stationed in Europe (he mentions Sarajevo at least once), and is more than likely a giant pain in the a$$ of his superior officers. He also happens to be pretty darned funny.

Here's an excerpt of the Skippy List (found via link above), formally titled "213 things Skippy Can't Do."

Enjoy:

The 213 Things....

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is "Specialist Schwarz" not "Princess Anastasia".

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on government time.

11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!”

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance” while on duty.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”.

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.

24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

[NittanyLions]

11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

Darn, thought you would be allowed to do that in the US Army

[aaawall91]

11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

Darn, thought you would be allowed to do that in the US Army

And those are my favorites.

[Metroid]

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.

Yeah that doesnt sound like a very good idea.

[knapplc]

I highly recommend anyone who wants to laugh so hard they cry to read the rest of the list (click the link in my first post). My wife thought I was going to need oxygen I was laughing so hard.

[lmcjaho]

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”.

All classics!

[SeaWolf]

29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

[onnestabe]

OK, now it's time for a true nerd test: Who else noticed that #185 was a reference to the Sci-Fi classic, "Dune"?

[aaawall91]

Wow, some of those were instant classics. Although there was a gap where like...none of them were funny, and theres alot I didn't understand, I think it must be a generation gap or something, before my time and all that jazz.

[knapplc]

OK, now it's time for a true nerd test: Who else noticed that #185 was a reference to the Sci-Fi classic, "Dune"?

I did, especially after reading the next one, "I am not the Emperor of anything."