Gift-buying guide

[SeaWolf]

Thought most of these were funny.

link

For the Seahawks' defense: A how-to book entitled, "Tackling Dummies ... for Dummies."

For Bill Belichick: A gift certificate to the menswear store where Mike Nolan and Jack Del Rio shop.

For Jeremy Shockey, Andrew Walter and Randy Moss: A dry-erase board and a whistle. If they're so darned creative, maybe they should stop whining and start writing up some offensive plays.

For LaDainian Tomlinson: An end-zone mail slot. He spends so much time there, he might as well sort through some bills.

For the Seahawks' offense: A Pro Bowl quarterback, two starting offensive linemen, and a dependable veteran receiver.

For Peyton Manning: A camel saddle, so he can finally get over the hump.

For Bill Parcells: A muzzle, custom fit for a certain wide receiver.

For Marty Schottenheimer and Tony Dungy: A trip to the AFC Championship game. That way, at least one of them will finally get to the Super Bowl.

For Chad Johnson: Spanish lessons.

For Dennis Green: A whole new cast of characters on his roster. Apparently, they weren't who he thought they were.

For the Seahawks' special teams: An offense that can give Josh Brown a few more chances to hit game-winners.

For the Vikings, Saints and Rams: Viagra, for improved staying power.

For the Panthers, Dolphins and 49ers: Spiked shoes, so they can get better traction out of the gates.

For Tyler Brayton: Anything but spiked shoes.

For Damon Huard: A chance to get the Chiefs back into the playoff hunt.

For Scott Linehan: A wallet chain, to keep him from throwing that red flag onto the field at crunch time.

For Shaun Alexander: A brand new version of the John Madden video game. This time, Brian Urlacher will be on the cover.

For Ben Roethlisberger: A book contract, from the same company that signed O.J. Simpson's deal. The first two installments are already in the works: "If I Didn't Cross the Goal Line," and, "If I Should Have Worn a Motorcycle Helmet."

For Joey Harrington, Steve McNair and Javon Walker: Thank-you cards. They need to show their gratitude for those who let them wander toward greener pastures.

For Curtis Martin, Priest Holmes, Marshall Faulk and Brett Favre: Fishing poles. And an artist to start working on the bronze bust.

[vitalogist]

those were great...

[Dr. Duran Duran]

Bronze bust for Priest Holmes? Personally, I'd like to see that happen, but I'm not so sure it will.

[dgan]

Bronze bust for Priest Holmes? Personally, I'd like to see that happen, but I'm not so sure it will.

I agree. He may have been the next Marshall Faulk, but his career didn't begin or end anywhere near the way Faulk's career did. Years as a nobody backing up in Baltimore, and then unable to stay healthy just as he was putting up ridiculous numbers.

Great guy, though...hall or not. And those are good. I like the Madden jinx reference best. That's funny.

[suppasonic]

For Shaun Alexander: A brand new version of the John Madden video game. This time, Brian Urlacher will be on the cover.

I think Tomlinson is hoping the next madden coverboy is Urlacher much more than Alexander is. [/quote]