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Letters to Santa

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Letters to Santa

Postby SeaWolf » Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:15 am

Deer Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Friend, Billy


Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa

*****************************************************

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

****************************************************

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy


Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa

****************************************************

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis


Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa


****************************************************


Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan


Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa


****************************************************


Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas


Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa


****************************************************


Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica


Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.

Santa


****************************************************


Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?

Love, Timmy


Dear Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa


****************************************************


Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our house?

Love, Marky


Dear Mark,

First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,

Santa
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:08 am

I got this in an email last week, I believe. I like the Sarah and Francis ones. :-b

Could have edited it a bit SeaWolf. O:-)
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Postby J2thez929 » Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:20 am

Thats freakin hilarious! Time to forward around work ;-D
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Postby josebach » Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:50 am

I saw this thread and immediately though of Bad Santa... "What do you want for Christmas... a snot rag?" :-b
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Postby dream_017 » Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:16 am

Very good stuff. I've heard a few, but a couple were new to me ;-D
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Postby Redskins Win » Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:40 am

I didn't know santa sent responses back 8-o
Image[/quote]
[size=14][b]Letters from the procupine, they'll stick straight through you.
So read one anytime you think you've made mistakes.[/b][/size]
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:58 am

Redskins Win wrote:I didn't know santa sent responses back 8-o


I hate to be the one to break the news to you RW, but Santa, and the letters SeaWolf posted above, aren't real. It's all a lie to get you to be good. In your case, it never worked, but I'm sure you can appreciate the attempt.

:-b
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Postby Redskins Win » Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:13 am

Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Redskins Win wrote:I didn't know santa sent responses back 8-o


I hate to be the one to break the news to you RW, but Santa, and the letters SeaWolf posted above, aren't real. It's all a lie to get you to be good. In your case, it never worked, but I'm sure you can appreciate the attempt.

:-b


phewww . . . i thought you were gonna tell me santa wasn't real :-°
Image[/quote]
[size=14][b]Letters from the procupine, they'll stick straight through you.
So read one anytime you think you've made mistakes.[/b][/size]
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:49 am

Redskins Win wrote:
Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Redskins Win wrote:I didn't know santa sent responses back 8-o


I hate to be the one to break the news to you RW, but Santa, and the letters SeaWolf posted above, aren't real. It's all a lie to get you to be good. In your case, it never worked, but I'm sure you can appreciate the attempt.

:-b


phewww . . . i thought you were gonna tell me santa wasn't real :-°


!+)
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Postby Metroid » Wed Dec 13, 2006 12:00 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Redskins Win wrote:
Omaha Red Sox wrote:
Redskins Win wrote:I didn't know santa sent responses back 8-o


I hate to be the one to break the news to you RW, but Santa, and the letters SeaWolf posted above, aren't real. It's all a lie to get you to be good. In your case, it never worked, but I'm sure you can appreciate the attempt.

:-b


phewww . . . i thought you were gonna tell me santa wasn't real :-°


!+)


Doooood RWs gonna be heartbroken! :-b
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