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Rules for Dealing With Stray Cats

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Rules for Dealing With Stray Cats

Postby knapplc » Fri Dec 29, 2006 5:18 pm

If you're not a cat lover, don't bother with your torture ideas. Just move along.


1. Stray cats will not be fed.

2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.

4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.

6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.

7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.

8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.

9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.

10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y".

11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.

13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17. Stray cats will sleep outside.

18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lamb's wool pillow.

22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot.

26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.

27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.

28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier'puyykmm4hbdm9l o9jmdskdm,.USING IT.
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Postby josebach » Fri Dec 29, 2006 6:11 pm

:-b
I can't believe I'm becoming such a cat person. I never would have thought it possible.
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Postby deerayfan072 » Fri Dec 29, 2006 7:24 pm

My 2 cats are like my kids. Funny thing is one thinks he is a dog and the girl thinks she is a human princess.
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Postby Karoz » Fri Dec 29, 2006 7:33 pm

Great post Knapplc, it is all very true.

I have experienced this very situation once before. I was not a cat person myself, but saw a poor cat curled up in a ball on my front porch one winter. It was shivering, so I gave it some temporary shelter, and something to eat. Well, judging by your post, you can probably figure out the sequence of events that transpired afterwards.
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Postby flotsamnjetsam » Fri Dec 29, 2006 7:41 pm

Good one knapp. ;-D :-b

I've had cats my entire life so count me as a cat lover. That post also goes for dogs. You say that the cats & dogs won't be allowed to do certain things and pretty soon they rule the house and have you wrapped under their paws. :-b
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Postby Munboy » Fri Dec 29, 2006 10:06 pm

Stray cats should stay stray cats unless you like getting ring worm. :-b
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Postby deerayfan072 » Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:16 am

flotsamnjetsam wrote:Good one knapp. ;-D :-b

I've had cats my entire life so count me as a cat lover. That post also goes for dogs. You say that the cats & dogs won't be allowed to do certain things and pretty soon they rule the house and have you wrapped under their paws. :-b


That is so true, my dog and 2 cats run my house. The cats sleep where they want, the dog has a nicer bed than i do, when i try and study my cats sit on my books staring at me.
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Postby houstonherdfan » Sun Dec 31, 2006 12:06 am

The only reason I don't have a cat is because of my autistic stepson. Josh would think its a new stuffed animal. He would squeese it, it would scratch him, wife would kill it.
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.
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Postby steelerfan513 » Sun Dec 31, 2006 12:14 am

My family has always been dog people. I have nothing against cats, but my dad does, probably because he's allergic.
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Postby Omaha Red Sox » Sun Dec 31, 2006 12:19 am

We have 2 cats that I'm not overly fond of, being a dog person. I live with them, even pet them on occasion, but I am secretly looking for a way to knock them off. They knock things down by rubbing up against them, they jump in your lap while you're reading, their hair is all over the place, their litter box stinks (can't they go outside to do this?), etc., etc., etc. Sometimes I wish my dog would just eat them.
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