My Monster Job Search Comes Through - "Sith Lord Wanted"

[knapplc]

Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group.

An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn.

Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master's planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand weapons.

Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant.

Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)

Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance. The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master's plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens. Applications will be accepted until the end of July. Transmit them to mailto:jobs@darkside.com.

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Dark Side CG (tm) is a small and highly-focused organization, founded a long time ago in a galaxy far away. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide direction to our partner organizations through knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise. Our partnered organizations include the Imperial Senate, the Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine, and many large software companies. Dark Side CG (tm) is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft

[Redskins Win]

Maybe if you showed them your awesome star wars collection you could get a leg up on the competion

[knapplc]

Maybe if you showed them your awesome star wars collection you could get a leg up on the competion

I boxed it up. I may sell it all, but we'll see. I just got bored with it, really. After the collecting figures phase ends the collecting dust phase begins, and that kind of sucks, really.

[josebach]

Maybe if you showed them your awesome star wars collection you could get a leg up on the competion

I boxed it up. I may sell it all, but we'll see. I just got bored with it, really. After the collecting figures phase ends the collecting dust phase begins, and that kind of sucks, really.

I had a pretty good collection also, but I ended up destroying all of them with a BB gun and firecrackers when I was a teenager. I remember shooting Princess Leia point blank in the head right in her hair bun.

I did the same with my GI Joes. That was fun. Of course if I still had them, I would try to sell them on E-Bay.

You didn't box up your LOTR collection, did you?

[knapplc]

You didn't box up your LOTR collection, did you?

I'm not crazy!

[josebach]

You didn't box up your LOTR collection, did you?

I'm not crazy!

That's good. In the last couple weeks I just watched Fellowship and the Two Towers extended edition and am waiting for the next time I have the house to myself for 4 hours so I can watch Return of the King. I have to wait for my wife to be out of the house because she can't sit through them and I have to blast the surround sound when I watch them for the full effect. Every time I watch those movies, I like them more.

[Nfl Fan]

I had a pretty good collection also, but I ended up destroying all of them with a BB gun and firecrackers when I was a teenager.

Nice!

[Munboy]

Dark Side CG (tm) is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft

That just might be the best part.

[A Fleshner Fantasy]

Does anybody else think Knapp might have a bit too much time on his hands?

[Sixxgunn]

as is the ability to see the future before it happens

I'm pretty sure seeing the future means seeing it before it happens, so there was no point in saying "before it happens". I just don't think I could work for a company that lets these kinds of mistakes slip through.