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...and definitely not this kind (that would be overkill!):
...but this nifty little invention right here that drives them crazy and chases them away by emiiting a sound only kids can hear:
Electronic mosquito: miracle teen repellent
Lisa Fitterman, Special to the Sun
Published: Saturday, June 10, 2006
Howard Stapleton is, like, my hero. Who is Howard Stapleton, you ask? Why, he is the brains behind this little gizmo called the Mosquito, a small, black box that, like, emits an annoying, teeth-clenching sound that, like, only teenagers can hear.
Call it a great idea whose time has come. With apologies to Nirvana and its smelly teen spirit, I say that if it sounds like teen spirit (the too rowdy version), just, like, zap it away!
According to reports, a shopkeeper in Cardiff, Wales, asked Stapleton, a former electronics apprentice at British Aerospace who runs a security business, to do something -- anything -- to rid his store of a group of mean-spirited, mouthy teenagers who were intimidating customers.
Stapleton lit on the Mosquito. He'd been mulling the idea for years, ever since he'd paid a visit as a teenager with his father to a factory where workers used ultrasonic welding.
"I walked into a room with a group of adults and the noise was so loud and painful, I walked out," he told the National Public Radio program, All Things Considered. "The adults came out and asked me what the problem was and I said, 'The noise.' They went, 'What noise?' "
When Stapleton tried out his invention on the group of nasty teenagers, he was gratified to see them disperse after only a few minutes. The sound -- at a level of about 17 kilohertz, is that irritating, especially when it's pulsed.
Apparently, adults can't hear it because of the progressive hearing loss we suffer from age 20 onward. You know, too many runs with Mr. Walkman (yes, I'm of that pre-iPod vintage) turned up to high volume and too many rock concerts -- in my case, Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band (six times), the Rolling Stones (once) and Alice Cooper, when he was dancing duets with giant teeth as part of the School's Out tour. I was 13, OK?
Of course, given the opportunity, I wouldn't use the Mosquito on just any old teen. Honest, I don't mind when they get together and giggle and whisper about God knows what: Does he like me? What is she wearing? Just look at that old bag! After all, the Canadian Constitution guarantees freedom of expression, which I imagine would include giggling and whispering.
I just can't take it when teenagers are loud; when they think that adults are (a) deaf, or (b) enjoy listening to them scream, screech and swear. Trust me. We don't.
One teen of my acquaintance asks: "But what about you? Weren't you a bad teen? The kind of teen who talked back, swore, smoke, sneaked out past curfew, stole clothes and basically gave your parents nightmares?"
Well, sure I was. But that was then. I'm a grownup now.
The Mosquito is a lot better than other ways to get rid of teenagers, such as brooms, much shouting and gesticulating and, in one case at least, blasting classical music (as if that would make the kids head for the hills.)
And if only the same could be done with other irritating societal groups. Think of it: Annoying Yuppie Men Repellent, made from a melange of slime and the theme from Sex and the City, or the Sotto-Voce Cellphone Sound Salve, which would suddenly drain the cellphone batteries of those who insist on speaking at high volume in public spaces.
Well, it's an alternative to wishing them dead, right?
Already, some teenagers in Cardiff -- classmates of Stapleton's daughter Isabel -- have ingeniously turned the Mosquito on its head, coming up with a slightly lower-pitched sound frequency they call the Teen Buzz, which beeps on cellphones to inform people they have been sent a text message. The genius of this, for both the kids and the adults, is that adults can barely hear it, if at all.
Ah, tranquillity.
To listen, or try to listen to the Teen Buzz, go to http://www.npr.org/templates/story/stor ... Id=5434687 and click on the prompt for the so-called audio.
mailto:lisafitt@yahoo.com
