portisfan24 wrote:Two nurses in a hospital are giving a spongebath to a woman who had been in a coma for 10 years. As they washed her, they noticed subtle signs of life when they washed her, ahem, domnstairs. They noticed this again each day they gave the woman her bath, and finally brought it to the doctor's attention.
The next time the woman's husband came in to visit, the doctor told him of this strange occurence. The doctor recommended that, although unorthodox, perhaps some oral sex would wake her up. The husband was reluctant at first, but eventually agreed to give it a shot.
The nurses closed the curtain's around the woman's bed to give the couple some privacy, and the husband went in. After about a minute, the woman was flatlining and before the nurses could get there, the woman was dead.
One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The man thanked him and, again just walked away
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”
The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”
Don't know if this one is on any of the earlier pages but here goes:
How is a new gun like a wife?
At some point you want to take em out back and shoot em.
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.