Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, " You'll not be drinking anymore tonigh Paddy
Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Shoite, Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed."
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?". Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"
"Mick phoned, . ........you left your wheelchair at the pub!"
P.S. - I didn't edit it at all, those focks were there. Let me know if that's too close to swearing and we can delete it.
you all might see the punchline coming but here goes:
I guy walks in a bar and says to the bar tender "Give me a pelxico of Patron.
The bartender says what is that
The guy responds
1 shot.
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.
Someone told me this one earlier today, so I figured I'd pass it along to you guys.
Okay so a little boy is talking to his teacher and he tells her that he doesn't want to go home to either of his parents (who are divorced).
"Why don't you want to go back to mommy?" the teacher asked. "She beats me," replied the boy. "Why don't you want to go back to daddy then?" "He beats me more" "Then who do you want to live with?" the teacher asks, exasperated. The boy thinks for a short while and says...
I want to live with the players on the Lions, because they don't beat anybody.
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