Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

[BigBadBrawler]

Nice AFF...


DET fans won't like it, but it's funny nonetheless...

[treat24]

Someone told me this one earlier today, so I figured I'd pass it along to you guys.

Okay so a little boy is talking to his teacher and he tells her that he doesn't want to go home to either of his parents (who are divorced).

"Why don't you want to go back to mommy?" the teacher asked.
"She beats me," replied the boy.
"Why don't you want to go back to daddy then?"
"He beats me more"
"Then who do you want to live with?" the teacher asks, exasperated.
The boy thinks for a short while and says...
















I want to live with the players on the Lions, because they don't beat anybody.

Oldest joke in the book... but the funny thing is... I've hear it with "the Lions" as the punchline many times. Living in MN, occasionally you'll hear it with the Gophers or Vikings as the punchline...

[dream_017]

Someone told me this one earlier today, so I figured I'd pass it along to you guys.

Okay so a little boy is talking to his teacher and he tells her that he doesn't want to go home to either of his parents (who are divorced).

"Why don't you want to go back to mommy?" the teacher asked.
"She beats me," replied the boy.
"Why don't you want to go back to daddy then?"
"He beats me more"
"Then who do you want to live with?" the teacher asks, exasperated.
The boy thinks for a short while and says...
















I want to live with the players on the Lions, because they don't beat anybody.

Oldest joke in the book... but the funny thing is... I've hear it with "the Lions" as the punchline many times. Living in MN, occasionally you'll hear it with the Gophers or Vikings as the punchline...

Yep, we hear that one all too often

Just like, if you are being chased by a lion what do you do.....draw a goal line because they can't cross it or stand in an endzone they'll never see it...and so on and so on

[Dan Lambskin]

where's the safest place to be in a Tornado?
Ford Field...they never get a touchdown there [/drums and cymbals]

[treat24]

where's the safest place to be in a Tornado?
Ford Field...they never get a touchdown there [/drums and cymbals]

I told that same one during those storms a few months ago and used the Metrodome... sports jokes... interchangeable and hilarious...

By the way... never heard that "draw a goal line" one... That made me chortle.

[scottaa1]

Little Timmy is in his third grade spelling class and the teacher asks the class 'who can spell the word 'straight?''

Little Timmy raises his hand and the teacher chooses him. "S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T."

"Very good, Timmy, that's correct. Now can you tell me what 'straight' means?"

"Without ice."

[dream_017]

Little Timmy is in his third grade spelling class and the teacher asks the class 'who can spell the word 'straight?''

Little Timmy raises his hand and the teacher chooses him. "S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T."

"Very good, Timmy, that's correct. Now can you tell me what 'straight' means?"

"Without ice."

[Omaha Red Sox]

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had – an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

[houstonherdfan]

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...A guy goes to the
supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says
hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows
her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think
you're the father of one of my kids'.
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party
that I made love to on the pool

table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt
with wet celery???'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher!

[A Fleshner Fantasy]

So a fat, ugly, unattractive, and very mean woman walks into Wal Mart with her two kids. The greeter tries to make small talk and says "Cute kids, are they twins?"
The woman snaps at him saying "No, one is 7 and the other 9, why would you possibly think they are twins?!?!?"
The man calmly responds "I just figured no one would screw you twice. Enjoy shopping at Wal Mart."