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Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Omaha Red Sox » Tue Feb 10, 2009 3:24 pm

The 8 Monkeys

(This is reportedly based on an actual experiment conducted in the U.K.)

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.


Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.


One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.


All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.

However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.


A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.


One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.



And that is how most companies' policies get established.
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby houstonherdfan » Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:54 pm

Omaha Red Sox wrote:The 8 Monkeys

(This is reportedly based on an actual experiment conducted in the U.K.)

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.


Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.


One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.


All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.

However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.


A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.


One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.



And that is how most companies' policies get established.


sounds like Washington at work.
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby scottaa1 » Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:28 pm

Bob shows up for work on Monday with not one but two black eyes.

His coworker Tom asks him "wow, where'd you get the shiners?"

"From my wife."

"Your wife? I thought she was out of town this weekend."

"So did I."
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Thanks Chaoyi Shih for the sig.
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Mon Mar 30, 2009 7:17 pm

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings
are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he
jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty raised her back, went
Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'S***', the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the room.

:-D


***mod edit for language***
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby scottaa1 » Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:25 pm

Did ya hear about the guy with the unwanted boomerang collection? He keeps trying to throw it out. :-b


/sorry
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Dan Lambskin » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:38 am

scottaa1 wrote:Did ya hear about the guy with the unwanted boomerang collection? He keeps trying to throw it out. :-b


/sorry


:-/
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:41 pm

Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a
large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.....Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could
never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man
for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about 5minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes,
'I tried, But I can't kill my wife.'

The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes;
take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn.
She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room.
6 Shots were heard, one after another.
They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun was loaded with blanks' she said.
'I had to Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:
Women are crazy!!!
Don't mess with them!!!
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:43 pm

Alter Boy

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Parisi ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Volpe?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'4 months vacation and five good leads.'
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby A Fleshner Fantasy » Wed May 06, 2009 9:37 pm

How did the pig get on the roof? The swine flu.
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby houstonherdfan » Sat May 09, 2009 11:56 pm

A Fleshner Fantasy wrote:How did the pig get on the roof? The swine flu.



That is so wrong on many levels, but I laughed my ass off.
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.
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