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Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Nfl Fan » Tue Jun 09, 2009 1:46 am

houstonherdfan wrote:The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars ...

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer.



:-b Good one :-b
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This NEVER gets old and neither does THIS!!
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby dream_017 » Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:48 am

Bob and the Blonde

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:45 pm

Got a case of beer for my wife...
















best trade I ever made! (If I had only lived by this last year!) :-D :-b
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby joejlitz » Sun Jul 19, 2009 5:51 am

Saw this in Maxim and laughed my butt off:

A couple are having sex when their son walks in. He runs out screaming.

Dad says, "I better go talk to him." On his way to his son's room he hears something in another bedroom, looks inside and is shocked to see his son going at it with Grandma.

The son looks up and says, "Not so nice when it's your mom, is it?

:-b
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Sun Jul 19, 2009 9:34 am

Redneck LOGIC 101


Two Rednecks, Jim Bob and Bubba,

are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Jim Bob turns to Bubba and says,

"You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education.

Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College

and sign up for some classes.

"Bubba thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Jim Bob goes down to the college

and meets the Dean of Admissions,

who signs him up for the four basic classes:
Math, English,

history, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim Bob says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example.

Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater,

I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I
think logically

that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house,

I think that you might logically have a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet.

Because you have a family,

then logically you must have a wife.

And because you have a wife,

then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual.

That's amazing, you were able to find out

all of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim Bob shakes the Dean's hand

and leaves to go meet Bubba at the bar.

He tells Bubba about his classes, how he is signed up

for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bubba says, "What's that?"

Jim Bob says, 'I'll give you an example.

Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer." :-b
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Sun Jul 19, 2009 1:42 pm

VENTRILOQUIST.

> >
> > A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
> > show in a small town in Arkansas with his Dummy on his knee. He
> > starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde woman
> > in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
> >
> > "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think
> > you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's
> > hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
> > Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work
> > and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.
> > You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not
> > only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"
> >
> > The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
> > yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little (substitute word of your choice)
> > on your knee! "
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby houstonherdfan » Fri Jul 31, 2009 8:28 pm

I tried to clean this up if still to riskay mods please delete.

Do you know why lesbians are fat.

Because it is hard to have fun with Jenny Craig when you put Mary Kay on your face.
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Sat Aug 01, 2009 10:25 am

houstonherdfan wrote:I tried to clean this up if still to riskay mods please delete.

Do you know why lesbians are fat.

Because it is hard to have fun with Jenny Craig when you put Mary Kay on your face.


LMAO!!! :-D :-b
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Jimboozie » Sat Aug 01, 2009 1:58 pm

Tyeattolah wrote:
houstonherdfan wrote:I tried to clean this up if still to riskay mods please delete.

Do you know why lesbians are fat.

Because it is hard to have fun with Jenny Craig when you put Mary Kay on your face.


LMAO!!! :-D :-b


pretty good HHF. PM me the original version plz. thx.
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Re: Need a joke...take a joke. Got a joke...leave a joke.

Postby Tyeattolah » Sat Aug 01, 2009 2:01 pm

Jimboozie wrote:
Tyeattolah wrote:
houstonherdfan wrote:I tried to clean this up if still to riskay mods please delete.

Do you know why lesbians are fat.

Because it is hard to have fun with Jenny Craig when you put Mary Kay on your face.


LMAO!!! :-D :-b


pretty good HHF. PM me the original version plz. thx.


include me on that PM!!!
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