A logger lost his job and went out to look for a new one. He came across a logging company so he went inside to talk to the owner.
The owner said to the logger, "You need to have experience and be tough for this job."
The logger said, "I was once a logger and I am tough. Once, I cut a tree down and it fell on my arm, pinning it to the ground. So I cut my arm off, pulled it out from underneath the tree and sewed it back onto my body."
The owner said, "Wow, you are tough. You're hired!"
Throwing his arms up in front of him in excitement, the logger said...
"ALRIGHT!"
Dan Lambskin
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Location: being a fan of the worst franchise in the NFL
A logger lost his job and went out to look for a new one. He came across a logging company so he went inside to talk to the owner.
The owner said to the logger, "You need to have experience and be tough for this job."
The logger said, "I was once a logger and I am tough. Once, I cut a tree down and it fell on my arm, pinning it to the ground. So I cut my arm off, pulled it out from underneath the tree and sewed it back onto my body."
The owner said, "Wow, you are tough. You're hired!"
Throwing his arms up in front of him in excitement, the logger said...
A man has tickets on the 50 yard line at The Super Bowl. The seat next to him remains empty well into the first quarter. Finally, the guy behind him asks if the seat is taken. "No," he says, "No one is coming for it." Astonished, the guy asks him, "Why would anybody in their right mind not use a great ticket for The Super bowl?" "Actually, the ticket belonged to my wife, but she just passed away," answered the man. "We've been to every Super Bowl together since 1976." "Oh that's terrible," says the guy, "but couldn't you find a friend, or a family member or even a neighbor to take the seat?" "I tried," answered the man, "But they're all at the funeral."
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have the perfect medicine for that" he said. "When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it around in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and sure enough he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
Dan Lambskin
Hall of Fame Hero
Posts: 7054
(Past Year: 1)
Joined: 20 Mar 2005
Yards this season: 0
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: being a fan of the worst franchise in the NFL
Do you know what the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
They both can make 70,000 people stand up and say "Jesus Christ".
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.
What does it mean when your girl wears a Dallas Cowboys shirt to bed?
You're going to score, cause everybody scores on the Dallas Cowboys.
You could think of government workers like teenagers. You pay them an allowance, but do you get any work out them? They eat the food, put their feet on the furniture and complain loudly whenever they are unhappy.
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by Dan Lambskin » Wed Mar 31, 2010 12:58 pm 
