...there are always those poor saps who have a depressing story about a significant other. I'm creating this thread to 1. vent about a situation of mine 2. Seek advice? and 3. Listen to any other stories good or bad that make you feel thankful/depressed about your significant other. Any of you Cafe'rs in a helpful mood? That said, here's my story...
I'm at college, and I met a girl when I first got here, and we came to become INCREDIBLE friends. Friendship got a little more intense, and on Thanksgiving, we admitted that we had feelings for the other. When we talked, she admitted it may take awhile to adjust, because she is getting over an ex-boyfriend. She promised she would keep me updated on her feelings however. I didn't particularly see it coming, because a few weeks earlier, she hooked up with a guy (who happens to be the captain of my baseball team) that I really am not a fan of.
This girl was a very coveted girl, as I'd known of about 6 people who've already admitted that they liked her, but she didn't like any of them the way she liked me (at least that's what she told me). Things went very well throughout the first month, but no lee-way was really made. The only affection she ever showed me was when she was drunk and felt like cuddling, and I had attempted to try and move things forward. I didn't think much of it. Even though she knew I didn't like it, she continued to talk with the kid she hooked up with earlier in the year, AND didn't seem to make any effort to get over her ex.
So on Christmas Eve, she still hadn't updated on me about on where we were in terms of our relationship. When I asked her about it in person earlier in the year, she would say things like "I don't wanna talk about it" or something along those lines. Through text, I asked her about our situation, and she dropped the bomb that she had not wanted a relationship, which was difficult to swallow, but I felt I should be supportive and told her I would wait for her.
We kept in contact throughout Winter Break, and when we got back she seemed very happy to see me, which I was happy about. It soon turned back to the way it was before break, however. We would talk online a lot, and text, but she didn't seem like she was making an effort to make this work between us. I was the one who had to go to her room to hang out, pick her up from the bar (she has a bit of an alcohol problem), and other things along those lines. So throughout the month at parties, we would hang out and when she got drunk again, she felt comfortable enough to show signs of affection. On one occasion while she was drunk, she mentioned how she hated the baseball captain (hook-up) because she wanted to get with him and he didn't want her. This sent me over the edge, and things like that happened quite a bit over the month. When I asked her about it, she would once again say "I don't wanna talk about it" and I would get furious.
On several occasions she said I should just give up, which crushed me because I had devoted 4 months of my life to trying to make this work, and she still doesn't talk to me about where our relationship is. She still seems to have a thing for her ex boyfriend and still talks about the baseball captain quite a bit, whether it's bad things (sober) or good things (drunk). It has also come to my attention that shortly after Thanksgiving break that she sent a text message to him saying that she didn't want to make things awkward, but rather wanted a "guy to hook up with when she was drunk". So now, I get the suspicion that she's lied to me, or has hidden something from me these last 4 months.
That said, I'm torn as in what to do. I feel like I've fallen for her, but I don't know why. She seems to lean on me when she's having a bad day, but she's realistically doing NOTHING to try and make this work between us. Should I talk about it with her? Because we still are incredible friends. Should I just let it go and keep doing what I'm doing? Stop talking to her? I'm trying to stop talking to her, and see how she reacts, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. So please, anybody out there who's been in a situation like this, help me out. Even if you haven't been in a situation like this, knock some sense into me.
For those of you who have loved ones and significant others, appreciate and cherish them. There is nothing in the world like the feeling that you love someone and they love you back. I couldn't imagine what that trust could feel like. So if nothing else comes out of this post, have a Happy Valentine's Day, make it a special day. Be happy that you don't have to go through stuff that the poor ol' saps of the world like me are going through
I don't like saying this, but it sounds like she's playing you and several other guys for the attention. She likes to be liked and doesn't sound like she's willing to making a concrete choice. What you said about always having to go to her and not vice versa, hitting you up for rides home, etc., sounds like she's using you. She knows you like her and is taking advantage of you.
You sound like a caring person and a good friend. I'm sorry to say what I did above, but my impartial take on it is what I posted. I'd suggest looking elsewhere. That could conceiveably make her toy with you more; hopefully though you'll find someone more willing to commit.
Two cents, don't take them for anything more than opinion. Ultimately it's up to what your heart feels and what your mind thinks. Good luck.
Don't take this the wrong way but it kinda sounds to me like she just wants a hump buddy. Or just have you around when it works for her. It really doesn't sound like she's looking for any kind of relationship with you or anybody and that she's more interested in being a "party girl." It sucks you have invested so much time in her but from what you've written here I think it might be time to call it off or at least step way back. Maybe she really does have feelings for you and is just going through the growing pains of college life....maybe she'll come around, maybe she wont. There are waaaaaay too many fish in the sea for you to be messing with a shark.
Well, I've taken your advice, and have seen/talked to her only once in the last week, which does two things in my opinion: Really gives me the opportunity to see if i mean anything to her, and it's an attempt at moving on. It hasn't been bad thus far, as she's tried to IM me on AIM quite a few times, but I don't begin the conversations. It's going well so far, and moving on isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Thanks for the advice guys! I'll keep you posted if anything else important happens