We thought that what happened to Brawler (or what once was Brawler) behind the Car Wash was bad. The scene at The Love Boat was much, much worse.
"The Love Boat" was the bachelor pad of Igor Anyhoe, who liked to call himself its' "Captain". Igor fashioned himself as quite the ladies' man, which was odd considering that no one in La Caca could remember actually seeing him with a woman.
The sheriff responded to a report of "strange noises" and gunshots at The Love Boat and found the front door standing ajar. Although no lights were on he told me he had no problem making out what had happened, as the entire front room of the house was awash in an eerie blue glow...from the blood. That damn blue blood.
The Captain (or was it?) was laying on the living room floor, dead from what appeared to be several gunshot wounds. A few feet away, hanging over the edge of a now glow-in-the-dark futon, was the body of The Mad Hatter, mutilated in almost the exact same fashion that Brawler was the night before.
I have no idea what "The Hatter's" real name was, as he'd only been in La Caca a few days, and I'd never so much as spoken to him. I called him the Mad Hatter because the only time I saw him in town he was wearing a Stetson and appeared to be really, really agitated about something. Turns out he had good reason to be. We all did.
The sheriff said he found a 9MM handgun on Hatter's body, but that it hadn't been fired, so he wasn't who had shot The Captain. The gun wasn't the weird part though, he told me (as if the whole nightmare unfolding around us wasn't "weird" enough). The weird part was what he found in Hatter's pocket.
Credentials. FBI CREDENTIALS!
If the FBI was in La Caca, Why hadn't they warned us about whatever was happening? WHY WEREN'T THEY HELPING US?
I asked the sheriff those questions, but he just shook his head, produced a bottle of tequila from his desk drawer, and downed it one long gulp. Then he kept talking.
He said there was another message near the bodies, written on the wall in the same glowing blue ichor in the same handwriting as Brawler's killer. An answer to my questions of sorts. It read:
"The FBI can't help you. You can't help you. I can help you. I can set you free. Death will set you free. See You soon".
I guess I should mention Wake as well.
We called Ivana Playbutknot "wake" because wherever she went a wake of Hostess wrappers, half-eaten candy bars, and empty Slurpee cups followed. She was the single fattest, butt-ugliest, mean-spirited hag I ever had the displeasure of meeting, and she lived out on Route 4 with about 120 cats.
It dawned on someone (I can't remember who now) that no one had seen or heard from Wake in some time, which was strange as she normally made daily candy runs you could set a clock by. When the sheriff went to her place to check things out he found Ivana stone dead on her kitchen floor, surrounded by her cats, who were in the process of chewing off her face. She'd apparently been dead for several days, and once the kitties ran out of Whiskas they began dining on Ivana.
I don't know if her death had anything to do with the Invasion (and that's what it was, although we didn't really know that yet), but it was the 5th dead body in La Caca in 2 Days.
It would not be the last.
TO BE CONTINUED
wake (Townie) - Killed by Act of Ruler Of The Universe
mad hatter (Uranian/FBI Agent) - Killed by ISK
LoveBoatCaptain (Uranian) - Killed by FBI Agents
7 Votes to Lynch.
Act of ROTU Cutoff Midnight Eastern.
Last edited by Kilroy on Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." -- Voltaire