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How to become an alpha male

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How to become an alpha male

Postby Jimboozie » Fri Mar 07, 2008 9:08 am

Alpha males have existed in our society since before the dawn of ninjas. They don't take crap from anyone, have women constantly falling at their zippers, drum to their own double bass pedal beat, and are basically the Jedi masters of newb pwnage.

So, you want to become more like this guy?
Image

Or perhaps him.
Image

Never fear, Boozie is here with the guidelines (free of charge) that will cleanse you of your previous wussified and meaningless life.

Here they are:


1. Impregnate every woman in a small Latvian village and kill all the children.

2. Throw away your alarm clocks. Alpha males don't need alarm clocks, the world wakes up to their manliness. Correction--alpha males don't need to sleep, rest is for pansies.

3. Remove all items from your diet that do not consist of: meat, cheese, French fries, beer, virgins, and football.

4. Replace the phrase "thank you" from your vocabulary with "more fries"!

5. If you ever find yourself thinking "Wow, that woman makes a valid argument", kill yourself right now.

6. Watch Married...With Children marathons...while only wearing slippers made from endangered elephants.

7. True alpha males never read how to lists.

8. Whenever a woman asks "How's it going?" know that she really means "I want to have sex with you" and act accordingly.

9. Whenever a man ask "How's it going?" deliver him a swift kick to the nad region.

10. Light up your morning smoke from the flames of burning cats.

11. Exercise no less than seven times a day; and by exercising, I mean working out your man muscle.

12. Destroy any music you own that isn't whiplash inducing (Pantera, heavy rock).

13. At work, only acknowledge your boss with any of these following phrases: "I was unavoidably detained." or "Looks like you'll be putting in a lot of overtime today--I'll tell your wife you said hi when I see her tonight."
Last edited by Jimboozie on Fri Mar 07, 2008 1:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby Jimboozie » Fri Mar 07, 2008 9:15 am

Of course, you'll never be as alpha-male as Chuck Norris or Al Bundy, but it's a start.
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby mad hatter » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:32 am

lmao!

nice post.
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby deerayfan072 » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:33 am

thats awesome :-b
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby treat24 » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:34 am

#10 makes me wanna start smoking again...
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby Jimboozie » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:52 am

Really?

I posted this on another forum and they're all bashing it. HAHAHA! :-b
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby RiffRaff » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:15 pm

Jimboozie wrote:Really?

I posted this on another forum and they're all bashing it. HAHAHA! :-b


Why were you on a Women's Forum? :-?
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby Jimboozie » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:17 pm

RiffRaff wrote:
Jimboozie wrote:Really?

I posted this on another forum and they're all bashing it. HAHAHA! :-b


Why were you on a Women's Forum? :-?


No but that's a great idea. Anyone got a link for a popular feminist forum? :-b
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby deerayfan072 » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:26 pm

Jimboozie wrote:
RiffRaff wrote:
Jimboozie wrote:Really?

I posted this on another forum and they're all bashing it. HAHAHA! :-b


Why were you on a Women's Forum? :-?


No but that's a great idea. Anyone got a link for a popular feminist forum? :-b


http://www.atforumz.com/forumdisplay.php?f=157

googled it and this is the first one to come up :-b
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Re: How to become an alpha male

Postby Jimboozie » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:28 pm

deerayfan072 wrote:
Jimboozie wrote:No but that's a great idea. Anyone got a link for a popular feminist forum? :-b


http://www.atforumz.com/forumdisplay.php?f=157

googled it and this is the first one to come up :-b


Sweet. I'll send a link to the thread in a while. :-b ;-D
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