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Falling off the wagon ... again

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Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby Warpigs » Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:47 pm

Hey all. Just finished writing a new fantasy football article on the dangers of fantasy sports magazines. Got some decent feedback on it, but was wondering what you all thought ...

mod edit: you posted the entire article so there is no need for a link

For 144 days, I stayed clean from my addiction.

It wasn't easy. The withdrawal symptoms. The sleepless nights. The cold sweats and headaches and the need to satisfy my craving. Through it all, I stood strong. I resisted the urge.

That is, until Friday night. During my dinner break at The Daily Item newspaper, I had an innocent yearning to check out the magazine rack at Weis Markets across the street.

That was my first mistake.

The rack was small, with a wide variety of magazines stuffed into a limited amount of spots. Of course, my eyes—honed by my addiction—knew just where to look. Darting past the Home & Gardens and Vanity Fairs, my gaze fell immediately upon the row of sports magazines, and the newly stocked offering of fantasy football guides.

Like a Weight Watcher flunkee at a Chinese buffet, I couldn't hold myself back.

I picked up the ESPN fantasy football magazine, flipped through the pages and soaked in the information. Player rankings, draft cheat sheets, full-color pages. I stopped myself. Looking at a magazine would lead to buying it.

I needed to be there as much as a recovering drug addict needed to be at OzzFest. There was just too much stimuli. I needed to leave. I put down the ESPN guide and scanned the rack one last time. Or so I thought.

Luckily, Fanball was nowhere to be seen. Fanball fantasy magazines are my kryptonite. It was a Fanball fantasy baseball magazine that I bought on Groundhog's Day—144 days ago.

The NFL.com fantasy football magazine caught my attention. Sparkly cover. Colorful, glossy inside pages. Still not necessary. In this, the information age, fantasy magazines are as antiquated as, well, the newspaper. Everything you'd ever need to know about preparing for a fantasy sport can be found online. For free.

Sites like FantasyFootballcafe.com, and a host of others basically eliminate the need to ever throw $7.99 (and up) at a magazine.

And, so, I put down the NFL.com guide and took a deep breath of relief. I was going to make it. Except, my eyes betrayed me. Those unwavering, copy-editing, backstabbing eyes.

One magazine, buried by a slew of Lindy's fantasy guides, was different. My curiosity overrode my common sense, and guided my hand to the brown cover. Within seconds, I was looking at the fantasy magazine equivalent of ecstasy.

The cover, defined by the close-up dimples of a football, was simple and yet complex. It was made out of a heavy, plastic-like, water-resistant material.

The inside pages were no less impressive. Colorful, glossy and chock full of page design perfection. My skin broke out in goosebumps. The hair on the back of my neck rose. No kidding. It was as if the magic goose from the Jack and the Beanstalk story had hidden a golden egg on the magazine rack.

I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed. When I opened them again, somehow, I was back in The Daily Item breakroom eating, but not tasting, leftover chicken parmesan and opening my newly purchased copy of the Sports Illustrated fantasy football magazine. Thank goodness for the drool-proof cover.

As I read, the magic of the moment slowly passed. The incredible packaging of the magazine dressed up, but didn't change, the fact that this was just another fantasy football magazine.

In the middle of the first story—"20 Burning Questions" that fantasy football owners want answered according to Sports Illustrated gridiron gurus—SI's David Sabino gets to question No. 7: Who is the safer pick, Tom Brady or Matt Cassell?

I don't read the answer. I don't need to. I don't need Sabino to tell me that Tom Brady should be drafted ahead of Matt Cassell in fantasy football circles. Tom Brady in a wheelchair and wearing eye patches on both eyes would outscore Cassell in fantasy points this year.

Finally, reason and common sense are starting to seep back into my consciousness. I just paid $7.99, plus tax, for someone to tell me what I already know—or easily could have found online at my favorite free websites.

More nuggets of rehashed information in that first article continue to slap me in the face ...that Brandon Marshall will likely blow up in his respective fantasy owners' faces...that it may not be smart to draft Plaxico Burress...that Brett Favre would have the most fantasy value of himself, Edgerrin James and Marvin Harrison if all three find themselves starting somewhere on opening day...that the only guarantee for 2009 for fantasy owners is that there are no guarantees.

I slip into depression. I hate myself for being so weak, for letting my addiction ruin what was going on four months of sobriety.

And my eyes—the slick, vengeful little pranksters that they are—drive the ice pick deeper into my back when they see a typo on page 12. It appears that the word "gantlet" is missing a "u"...much like my wallet is missing eight bucks.


So what do you think? Anyone else here have similar experiences with fantasy magazines. I know they're unnecessary. I know they are outdated, most times, before they even reach the rack. Still, I always buy at least one. Many times even more. What is wrong with me??
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby bmor8811 » Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:56 pm

Warpigs wrote:Hey all. Just finished writing a new fantasy football article on the dangers of fantasy sports magazines. Got some decent feedback on it, but was wondering what you all thought ...



For 144 days, I stayed clean from my addiction.

It wasn't easy. The withdrawal symptoms. The sleepless nights. The cold sweats and headaches and the need to satisfy my craving. Through it all, I stood strong. I resisted the urge.

That is, until Friday night. During my dinner break at The Daily Item newspaper, I had an innocent yearning to check out the magazine rack at Weis Markets across the street.

That was my first mistake.

The rack was small, with a wide variety of magazines stuffed into a limited amount of spots. Of course, my eyes—honed by my addiction—knew just where to look. Darting past the Home & Gardens and Vanity Fairs, my gaze fell immediately upon the row of sports magazines, and the newly stocked offering of fantasy football guides.

Like a Weight Watcher flunkee at a Chinese buffet, I couldn't hold myself back.

I picked up the ESPN fantasy football magazine, flipped through the pages and soaked in the information. Player rankings, draft cheat sheets, full-color pages. I stopped myself. Looking at a magazine would lead to buying it.

I needed to be there as much as a recovering drug addict needed to be at OzzFest. There was just too much stimuli. I needed to leave. I put down the ESPN guide and scanned the rack one last time. Or so I thought.

Luckily, Fanball was nowhere to be seen. Fanball fantasy magazines are my kryptonite. It was a Fanball fantasy baseball magazine that I bought on Groundhog's Day—144 days ago.

The NFL.com fantasy football magazine caught my attention. Sparkly cover. Colorful, glossy inside pages. Still not necessary. In this, the information age, fantasy magazines are as antiquated as, well, the newspaper. Everything you'd ever need to know about preparing for a fantasy sport can be found online. For free.

Sites like FantasyFootballCafe.com, and a host of others basically eliminate the need to ever throw $7.99 (and up) at a magazine.

And, so, I put down the NFL.com guide and took a deep breath of relief. I was going to make it. Except, my eyes betrayed me. Those unwavering, copy-editing, backstabbing eyes.

One magazine, buried by a slew of Lindy's fantasy guides, was different. My curiosity overrode my common sense, and guided my hand to the brown cover. Within seconds, I was looking at the fantasy magazine equivalent of ecstasy.

The cover, defined by the close-up dimples of a football, was simple and yet complex. It was made out of a heavy, plastic-like, water-resistant material.

The inside pages were no less impressive. Colorful, glossy and chock full of page design perfection. My skin broke out in goosebumps. The hair on the back of my neck rose. No kidding. It was as if the magic goose from the Jack and the Beanstalk story had hidden a golden egg on the magazine rack.

I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed. When I opened them again, somehow, I was back in The Daily Item breakroom eating, but not tasting, leftover chicken parmesan and opening my newly purchased copy of the Sports Illustrated fantasy football magazine. Thank goodness for the drool-proof cover.

As I read, the magic of the moment slowly passed. The incredible packaging of the magazine dressed up, but didn't change, the fact that this was just another fantasy football magazine.

In the middle of the first story—"20 Burning Questions" that fantasy football owners want answered according to Sports Illustrated gridiron gurus—SI's David Sabino gets to question No. 7: Who is the safer pick, Tom Brady or Matt Cassell?

I don't read the answer. I don't need to. I don't need Sabino to tell me that Tom Brady should be drafted ahead of Matt Cassell in fantasy football circles. Tom Brady in a wheelchair and wearing eye patches on both eyes would outscore Cassell in fantasy points this year.

Finally, reason and common sense are starting to seep back into my consciousness. I just paid $7.99, plus tax, for someone to tell me what I already know—or easily could have found online at my favorite free websites.

More nuggets of rehashed information in that first article continue to slap me in the face ...that Brandon Marshall will likely blow up in his respective fantasy owners' faces...that it may not be smart to draft Plaxico Burress...that Brett Favre would have the most fantasy value of himself, Edgerrin James and Marvin Harrison if all three find themselves starting somewhere on opening day...that the only guarantee for 2009 for fantasy owners is that there are no guarantees.

I slip into depression. I hate myself for being so weak, for letting my addiction ruin what was going on four months of sobriety.

And my eyes—the slick, vengeful little pranksters that they are—drive the ice pick deeper into my back when they see a typo on page 12. It appears that the word "gantlet" is missing a "u"...much like my wallet is missing eight bucks.


So what do you think? Anyone else here have similar experiences with fantasy magazines. I know they're unnecessary. I know they are outdated, most times, before they even reach the rack. Still, I always buy at least one. Many times even more. What is wrong with me??


Really cool article man. I feel the same way... I'm going on about a 10-hour airplane ride to England coming up so I think I'm gonna have to succumb to some mags. But if I could get the Internet in the aire better believe I'd be right here.
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby Mookie4ever » Tue Jun 30, 2009 8:54 am

Dude, I know what you're addicted to, metaphors and similes. Break the habit. Please.

You're like a kid pouring maple syrup on pancakes. You're like Steve Austin going in for the third Stone Cold Stunner. Enough. :-b
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby spodog » Tue Jun 30, 2009 5:04 pm

I like the article. Great justaxposition of high drama about a mundane topic. A few that hang here will truly understand, like those that have clicked on this thread 50+ times since mid May:

http://www.fantasyfootballcafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=436801
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby eagles21 » Tue Jun 30, 2009 7:19 pm

Great article! For me, I don't take most FF magazines too seriously, but they are still fun to read, even if they are incredibly stupid sometimes. :-b
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby Cowboys 4 life » Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:30 pm

I enjoy the read to remember what happen last year. There are a lot of things you moss and trends you don't catch. If the Mag is good you get some valuable information.

I have been getting the same magazine for every year but my first year when I came prepared with my own list of 10 guys per position and took 5th out of 6 Larry's Pizza Employees. I saw a few with some Fantasy Football Index magazine. Literally the only one back in the mid 90's.

After that its been the Index every year. They now offer paid updates up to the season and through it. Good info.
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby joejlitz » Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:40 am

Nice article. I still love the feel of newspapers and magazines. I get tired of looking at a screen, too. And while I also don't need someone else to tell me those things, there are often statistical nuggets that I can analyze and come up with my own reasoning for drafting or not drafting a particular player.
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby Kareighuis » Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:40 am

Liked the article- infusing a mundane issue with tension.

I buy them so I can study to and from work. That, and I like reading the opinions of people that are about as knowledgeable as me.
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Re: Falling off the wagon ... again

Postby swyck » Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:07 pm

I was in a book store the other day, when I saw them for the first time this year. Like the first robin, they herald the coming season, and I started thinking "is training camp around the corner, I can't think of the name of one football player right now, I wonder if Yahoo is open yet?" And of course the best thought was that I should head over to the Cafe and start checking things out again.

I may buy a magazine, not sure which. Sure, its a waste of money and there is better more timely data available here and other online sites. Still, it helps get me into the mood and I just like to have one to browse through.
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