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Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

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Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby sox 06 » Wed May 05, 2010 2:22 pm

Please tell me if I'm overreacting or not.

I'm in the last full week of my first year of college. I got stuck with a roommate who I have absolutely nothing in common with. I still try to be nice to him and all. He is one of those who goes to bed at 2-3AM and then sleeps all day (and he's not drinking at night, but rather doing useless/childish stuff on his laptop). There have been numerous times when I would get out of class and head back to my room only to find him sleeping, at 3-4PM. I tried to be as quite as I could by not letting the door slam shut and by moving around as little as I could once I was in the room. Last night I went to bed early because I had to get up early this morning. Just before midnight, he comes barging into our room, leaves the door open, is talking loudly to one of his friends and is rummaging through his dresser. He let all the doors slam shut and I obviously woke up.

One of the friends that I met at school was in one of my classes last semester. He really struggled with the material and I had a pretty good grasp on it so when it came time for the projects, I helped him out. By helping him out, I mean emailing him my project and having him change a few things. There were three projects that I did this for. This semester, he's in another one of my classes and there have been at least two or three assignments in which I have done the very same thing. I don't mind doing this because the only person its going to hurt is them and I like helping people out. Well, today there are campus wide presentations of end of the year projects and papers. One of my professors told us that we need to attend three presentations and write a short paper on the experience. He told us this the day before the presentations. Well, its not mandatory to attend (and almost no one does) so I made plans to play golf. I told this friend that we could go together once I got back from playing golf. Well he went ahead and went to a couple and wrote his paper. I asked him if he could describe some of them to me so I could B.S. the paper, but he wouldn't.

Is the first year of college just stressing me out beyond comprehension, and I overreacting or am I right that nice people don't get anything in return? Sorry for the long post, but I'm on the brink of losing it and this has helped :-°
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby knapplc » Wed May 05, 2010 2:39 pm

Sounds like typical first-year college stress stuff. That's probably not very helpful, but there's nothing here that anyone who's been to college hasn't seen/heard/had happen to them.

Not sure what you mean by overreacting. How did you (potentially) overreact to all of this?

In general you're going to be better off maintaining decent relationships with your roommates. That means even if he's a punk and makes noise, don't do it yourself if you can help it. If nothing else you'll feel like the "better man."

In general it's not a good idea to let others copy your work. I'll just about bet this guy sees these two situations as very different.

In general profs don't give you assignments so that you won't do them. The lesson to learn here is that if an instructor tells you to do something but then says it's voluntary, it's not voluntary and you really need to do it.

You may think you're a "nice guy," but it sounds like you may be a little gullible. That's OK - most of us in our first year of college were too.

Sorry for the crummy experiences. As time goes on this all gets easier. Promise.
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby portisfan24 » Wed May 05, 2010 4:14 pm

College was full of experiences like that for just about everyone I talked to (Just finished my 4 year program in December). Whether its being stuck doing a group project with a bunch of morons or the girl who sits in front of you on her laptop watching Japanese Soap Operas (true story). I think all of this is part of the college experience. Here are a few things I learned in college that weren't necessarily part of the curiculum...

1. Life isn't always fair. Sometimes you get the short end of the stick. It sucks, but you have to learn to move on.
2. The world is full of idiots. Doing projects with slackers is just a preview of life in an office or workplace.
3. Teachers can usually tell when you are lying. They deal with it all the time.
4. Only share work if its mutually beneficial.
5. Condoms are cheaper than babies.
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby Metroid » Wed May 05, 2010 7:27 pm

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This guy knows things.
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby The Artful Dodger » Thu May 06, 2010 12:31 am

You're just going through the motions of college and it's more pronounced when you're a freshman. At least half of first-years wind up with a roommate they don't necessarily like or agree with on a number of things. Likewise, it's inevitable to run into people in your classes who treat college like an extension of high school and this is more so the case in your first year. I think it has to do simply because most kids are just fascinated with the novelty of college and being on their own, in general. It sort of makes sense in a way, because you're likely not going too deep into what you're studying (and you lot might be doing more core curriculum work instead) and socializing/hobbies just takes a bit more precedence due to that.

If you're attending a college that's relatively small (<=5000 undergrads), it's more important not to burn bridges... or at least, so quickly. I get that impression, namely based on the fact your slacker friend is taking the same classes as you. I went to said type of college and it's likely to take on more of a high school vibe than a bigger school, because odds are everyone knows everyone to some extent. If this is the case, there's a good chance you reap what you sow later on from your freshman year. The relationships you build with other people are probably going to be built due in some part to your first-year relationships. It's like this in the real world, too.

You shouldn't let anyone copy your work, period, especially in a smaller college because you've basically set yourself up to be responsible in the minds of your friends for something you shouldn't really be. If they need help or a nudge in the right direction, fine, but you're doing yourselves a great disservice in the end.

You have three years and whatever's left of this year to appreciate this, but any learning experience you can take out of college, take advantage of everything. This means even the most menial thing like attending a presentation and a report on it, even if it's not required per se and even if it won't affect you in your career (odds are it won't). In the real world, a desire for self-learning on anything new is a big asset. No better time to nurture that than now. It's hard to look at the big picture when you're in college, but once you graduate, you'll realize this even more, trust me.

Don't stress, you're almost there to the finish line. Remember that any anxiety/stress you feel now in college is just nothing compared to the real world, or even your senior year (since half of it is preparing to land that first full-time gig). So, enjoy it as best you can. Things will certainly go smoother the next few years.
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby steelerfan513 » Thu May 06, 2010 2:05 am

I'm about to finish my freshman year as well, and I had a similar situation with regards to the roommate. I usually go to bed around midnight or 1 am, and he's almost always up later than that. We had some issues at the beginning of the year when he would come back to the room when I was trying to sleep and start playing video games, but I made my expectations clear, and we've learned to deal with our completely different sleep schedules. It sounds like you've been respectful of his sleeping habits, and politely pointing out to him when he fails to do so (Also, is it possible he didn't realize you were in there sleeping?) is probably all you need to do to avoid such situations in the future. If he doesn't, then oh well; the year is almost over, and you've made it this far without snapping, so it's probably best not to do it now.

But in response to your question, I think you're overgeneralizing because you're stressed out. Freshman year of college does that to most people in some way. It's understandable, and it might take some time but you'll come back down to earth and realize it. I did pretty much nothing but stress out in late September and October for various reasons, but eventually I calmed down and rationally assessed my situation. Just get to the end of the year and the stress will subside.

You may think you're a "nice guy," but it sounds like you may be a little gullible. That's OK - most of us in our first year of college were too.


QFT, especially in my case.
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby sox 06 » Thu May 06, 2010 8:07 am

Thanks for the advice guys ;-D

I know giving someone my work isn't a good idea, but I'm willing to do a little extra for a (supposedly) good friend. I would always try and teach him why I was right and he was wrong, but when something is due the next day or in a couple of hours, I kind of just said, "Screw it, here you go." Its taken a lot from me to not snap at my roommate and I'm a very quite person who keeps to himself and has never really snapped at anyone before. But the sleeping thing is only the tip of the iceberg. He's used my stuff without asking me and he always unlocks the door after I've left the room and locked it. On the bright side, I'm transferring for this coming Fall so I have a grand total of two and a half days left here and then I'm free :-D
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby knapplc » Thu May 06, 2010 8:32 am

sox 06 wrote:But the sleeping thing is only the tip of the iceberg. He's used my stuff without asking me and he always unlocks the door after I've left the room and locked it. On the bright side, I'm transferring for this coming Fall so I have a grand total of two and a half days left here and then I'm free :-D


Unfortunately it seems to work this way with roommates about half the time. It seems like some people are raised by wolves - you get them out of mom's house and they turn into the worst kind of neanderthal freak you've ever seen.

I got lucky - the three guys I roomed with over my college years were pretty good guys. But I've heard horror stories about how it can all go terribly wrong. Some people, you know?

Good luck to you. You're almost free! ;-D
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby joejlitz » Thu May 06, 2010 11:46 am

Getting to the crux of your question - don't stop being nice because others are not nice to you. You may be getting screwed over now, but as you get older you'll learn how to and when to be more assertive. For example - having ground rules with roomates is always a good idea. You expected him to be considerate to you, because you were considerate to him. But people's value systems are very often different. You guys may share the same values when it comes to some things, like always asking if the other wants the last piece of pizza before greedily chomping it down. But not in this case when it comes to being considerate while the other is sleeping. If this happened early in the semester, your best bet would have been to confront him directly. As it stands, let it go. But next year, think about what's important to you and make sure you discuss that with next year's room mate.
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Re: Nice People Get Jack (Bad Word) in Return...

Postby Mookie4ever » Thu May 06, 2010 12:31 pm

Are you displaying any Red Sox, Pats, Bruins or Celtics gear in your room? That could explain a lot of the reactions you are getting. People may be assuming that you're a douchebag. Take that stuff down and I'm sure people will treat you much better. You can thank me later. ;-D
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