George Carlin - Old, But Always In Style

[ScreamingWeasel]

10 From George Carlin:

1. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

4. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

5. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

6. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

7. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

9. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

10. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

[M_Zimm_ffc]

Those are great. Where do you get those?

[TTTBone]

Very Nice.

How about these 10 from Emo Phillips:

1. Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something...

2. Probably ... the toughest time ... in anyone's life ... is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

3. When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...

4. How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

5. Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

6. You know what I hate? Indian givers...no, I take that back.

7. Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, "Why limit yourselves?"

8. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

9. People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

10. ...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, "A truck!"

[Madison]

Lmao Both of those lists are great.

[kashikis]

lol both lists are funny.

I'm a huge Carlin fan, he's still one of the funniest stand-up acts around

[slowkidz]

lol both lists are funny.

I'm a huge Carlin fan, he's still one of the funniest stand-up acts around

i will second that, and add Robin Williams with Carlin.

[kashikis]

hell yeah my top three in no order are Williams, Carlin, and Leary cuz he's just an ass lol

[deftdelivery]

hell yeah my top three in no order are Williams, Carlin, and Leary cuz he's just an ass lol

A-S-S-H-O-L-E

[zombiez]

One of the greatest statements Carlin ever made, was if you don't like it, change the station.......a philosephy more people should live by, rather then complain......