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Guidelines to live by....

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Guidelines to live by....

Postby Homeless » Mon Dec 15, 2003 5:54 pm

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


I love the "Old Aunts" one ;-D
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Postby kashikis » Mon Dec 15, 2003 8:38 pm

LMAO the last 2 are great.

the old aunts one is killing me, :-° i'm better now
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Postby M_Zimm_ffc » Mon Dec 15, 2003 9:38 pm

Those are great! LMAO!
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Postby VHawk15 » Mon Dec 15, 2003 9:48 pm

All of those are hilarious, but I'm gonna have to use the Old Aunt one. :-)
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The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people. -Noam Chomsky
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Postby slowkidz » Tue Dec 16, 2003 7:07 am

funny! ;-D
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Postby Madison » Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:54 am

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


Isn't that the truth. Lol. :-b

Old Aunts is funny too. ;-D
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Postby The Super Freak » Tue Dec 16, 2003 10:32 am

lol hilarious LMHO
Moss IS the best WR in the game...
-Terrell Owens
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Postby brownslover » Tue Dec 16, 2003 11:29 am

sooooooo true....hilarious!
What's your fat ass doing here?

He's my only means of conveyance. Buuut I guess I do spoil him.
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Postby fntsyrookie » Tue Dec 16, 2003 1:54 pm

Great stuff!! ;-D
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Postby Purple_Pride » Tue Dec 16, 2003 10:50 pm

now the next time i go to a funeral im gonna be sittin there crackin up thinking of this.
"When the truth walks away who is gonna stay? Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay?"

RICHARD
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