Memo From Santa - Fantasy Football Cafe 2014 Fantasy Football Cafe


Return to General Talk

Memo From Santa

Moderator: Football Moderators

Memo From Santa

Postby slowkidz » Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:12 am

Memo from SANTA

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida , Virginia , North and South Carolina , Tennessee , Mississippi , Texas , and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.


Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
Image
slowkidz
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Cafe WriterCafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeInnovative MemberCafe MusketeerPick 3 Champion
Posts: 7286
Joined: 19 Aug 2002
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Beatin the Steers in C-bus!!

Postby Buckychudd » Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:45 am

As a yankee living in the south, I can totally relate to this.
Buckychudd
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar
Cafe WriterCafe Ranker
Posts: 2226
Joined: 4 Sep 2003
Home Cafe: Football

Postby Homeless » Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:02 am

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."


LOL ;-D
Image
Image
Homeless
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

User avatar
Cafe RankerMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeInnovative MemberCafe MusketeerWeb SupporterPick 3 Weekly WinnerSweet 16 SurvivorCafe Blackjack Weekly Winner
Posts: 10011
Joined: 21 Aug 2002
Home Cafe: Football
Location: I could be anywhere! and so could my SILK scarf! M&M's anyone ?

Postby Madison » Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:58 am

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."


Lmao! :-D
Image

I am the Reaper of Men,
The Chaser of Souls,
The Weaver of Nightmares,
I am The Heart of Darkness.
I now, and ever will be,
The Purity of Evil.
Madison
Lord of Darkness
Lord of Darkness

User avatar
ExecutiveMock(ing) DrafterEagle EyeInnovative MemberMatchup Meltdown ChampionLucky Ladders Weekly Winner
Posts: 5979
Joined: 29 Apr 2003
Home Cafe: Baseball
Location: Taking Souls...

Postby M_Zimm_ffc » Tue Dec 16, 2003 10:21 am

That's pretty good. I am with Chudd, as a yankee living down here in the south I can see that happening.
M_Zimm_ffc
Hall of Fame Hero
Hall of Fame Hero

Cafe RankerGraphics ExpertMock(ing) DrafterEagle Eye
Posts: 5603
Joined: 20 Sep 2003
Home Cafe: Football

Postby The Super Freak » Tue Dec 16, 2003 10:23 am

Buckychudd wrote:As a yankee living in the south, I can totally relate to this.


i am also a yankee livin in the south and i can relate
Moss IS the best WR in the game...
-Terrell Owens
Randy Moss
AKA Super Freak
The Super Freak Beginner
Head Coach
Head Coach

User avatar

Posts: 1036
Joined: 13 Oct 2003
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Middle Earth kickin orc butt!!!!

Re: Memo From Santa

Postby Lushcrush » Tue Dec 16, 2003 11:03 am

Slowkidz wrote:
Memo from SANTA
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.



Ole Bubba Claus would find some Pabst Blue Ribbon and homegrown waiting on him in northwest Arkansas. A lawless, beer drinking people ... Yankees don't last long here :)
Image
I'm just a little Hawaiian and a homesick Island boy,
I want to go back to my fish and poi ...

[b]2005-2006 VXL Champion[/b]
Lushcrush
General Manager
General Manager

User avatar
Cafe RankerEagle EyePick 3 Weekly WinnerSweet 16 SurvivorCafe Blackjack Weekly Winner
Posts: 3055
Joined: 27 May 2002
Home Cafe: Football
Location: Down at the Spanish Moon ...


Return to General Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

Forums Articles & Tips Start & Sit Sleepers Rankings Leagues


Get Ready...
The 2014 NFL season kicks off in 3:40 hours
(and 45 days)
2014 NFL Schedule


  • Fantasy Football
  • Article Submissions
  • Privacy Statement
  • Site Survey 
  • Contact