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how many wins will they get this year??

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PLAYOFFS? Y'all's talkin' PLAYOFFS?

Postby Confucian Scholars » Mon Sep 05, 2005 3:42 am

OK, Texans fans! Calm down now. I'm here to remind you of the DCS factor which is very useful when making projections for Houston's playoff prospects . In case you may have forgotten....
DAVID CARR SUX!

Still with me? Get your schedule out and take another look.
Let's give Houston the 3 easy games: Cleveland, San Francisco, and maybe at home vs. Tennessee. Now let's look at the rest of the schedule and see if the Texans get any more wins to finish at .500

Week 1: Buffalo on opening day? Losman looks just as bad as Carr right now, but that Bills defense will stuff Domanick Davis' season debut. Dom Capers erupts on team's flight back to Texas
Week 2: Pittsburgh? Next!
Week 3: Bye already? After only 2 games? Rehab from Steeler bruises and contusions will be needed though.
Week 4: Cincinatti....Nope. Bengals win in another blowout!
Week 6: Seattle - National humiliation on ESPN. Joe Theismann caught on camera doing crossword puzzle in 3rd quarter. Cafe member "Mr. Texansfan" still very happy to have Shaun Alexander on his fantasy team, but thinking twice about Andre J.
Week 7: Indianapolis - Over or under? Peyton 3 TD passes
Week 9: Jacksonville - What? I'm not THAT generous. The Jags are too hard and Houston is too soft.
Week 10: Colts ...Peyton Manning again? No, this time Edge goes off at home with 3 TDs, 2 rushing and 1 reception
Week 11: Kansas City - ESPN again? Priest Holmes finishes where Edge left off. 3 TDs on national TV, ESPN executives hastily cross Houston off of 2006 Monday night schedule
Week 12: St. Louis - Upset here? Please? Pretty please? No.
Week 13: Baltimore - "Hi David, my name is Ed Reed. Let's play catch! By the way, have you met my friend Ray?"
Week 14: Tennessee - Sweep the Titans this season? Texans blow one they should have won. Dom Capers loses his lunch too
Week 15: Arizona - A win here? Victory not in the Cards!
Week 16: Jacksonville - Merry Christmas! Texans go on to San Francisco for New Year's Day and finish season with 2 game win streak. Houston finishes 5-11, far short of .500
January 2: Cafe's Texans forum fanatics start predicting 10 wins in 2006 based on something about season end momentum.
January 3: Dom Capers fired. Search is on for Bum Phillips.
Last edited by Confucian Scholars on Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby onetrikponee » Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:59 pm

I say 8-8 but anything less and heads will start rolling out here in Houston.

Little faith in Carr or the offense here so this is a major year for those guys in general.

If they do not finish better than 8-8 its going to be bad news.
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Postby dhhoops » Thu Sep 08, 2005 6:55 pm

Hey bum... get a life... we are fans here so go somewhere else and write that nonsense.
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Postby Jimmy_kwtx » Tue Sep 13, 2005 12:28 pm

I am a Houstonian and have been around since the days of the oilers. and the old Love ya blue! Never have been a Houston Football fan because there is somthing in the air here that just seems to spell disaster for NFL football.

Pretty soon we will have another "black out" where --just like the oilers you won't see a local game on TV unless it is on a cable channel.

Capers will find himself looking for another job come next year. He wasted too much time with Carr ( who I beleive is underrated he would be doing better on a more :older" team) and not enough time establishing a solid running game.
First draft and leauge to ever play in. Kept hearing the hype and at a school function last year another dad spoke of how fun it is and to give it a try.
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Postby Confucian Scholars » Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:13 am

Is it time to bump this baby back on top of the compost pile?

The Texans stink, but at least the fans don't run around the stands with "Fire Capers" written on the back of a paper sack.

(Stay tuned next season when Confucius demolishes Detroit!)
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Postby WickedSmaat » Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:56 am

Yeah, but I thought I saw a Fire Capers sign when they were on the Sunday Night game against KC? He wasnt running around but it was big and white.
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Postby Pack Fan in HTown » Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:21 pm

Looks like Confucian Scholars was the closest here, as pathetic as we have been. Lets begin the Reggie Bush Era QUICK!! I feel bad for old Dom Capers. Good guy, bad talent. FIRE CASSERLY PLEASE!!

And Jimmy, That black out thing is looking really good about now, there are more important games for my fantasy squad I could be watchin!!
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