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More French humor

Postby slowkidz » Tue Mar 11, 2003 9:15 am

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!"
---- Hannibal Lecter

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh,


Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

An old saying:
Raise your right hand if you like the French....
Raise both hands if you are French.

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

REPLACEMENTS FOR THE
FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM:
"Runaway" by Del Shannon,
"Walk Right In" by the Rooftop Singers,
"Everybody's Somebody's" Fool by Connie Francis,
"Running Scared" by Roy Orbison,
"I Really Don't Want to Know" by Tommy Edwards,
"Surrender" by Elvis Presley,
"Save It For Me" by The Four Seasons,
"Live and Let Die" by Wings,
"I'm Leaving It All Up To You" by Donny and Marie Osmond,
"What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers,
"Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin
"Raise Your Hands" by Jon Bon Jovi
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Postby Homeless » Tue Mar 11, 2003 9:29 am

You can steal my French humor topic :-)

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat."

The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose

and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant.... Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly ... "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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Postby chaindog35 » Tue Mar 11, 2003 10:30 am

Announcemnet:

FRANCE ANNOUNCES SURRENDER

AP - France has announced its preemptive surrender in the next war that it fights. It has signed a peace treaty ceding all of its land and agreeing to pay war reparations. France need only find a victor for the next war to claim this prize. Chirac says this is a great step in promoting peace and preventing bloodshed by surrendering before a conflict begins. France's military is pleased, since it would be a great blow for French morale to have to suffer through another loss.
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Postby Canadian Seahawk » Tue Mar 11, 2003 10:46 am

you guys would love Montreal.
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Postby JayM09 » Tue Mar 11, 2003 11:20 am

those were good guys ;-D
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Postby fntsyrookie » Tue Mar 11, 2003 11:40 am

Canadian Seahawk wrote:you guys would love Montreal.


Hey Seahawk, I'm going to claim complete ignorance here but does Montreal hate the French too? I thought Montreal was like completely French. Language, road signs and all that. Didn't they want to break away from the Canadian government and have there own French country or something awhile back? Again I don't know all the facts but I'm just wondering.
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Postby Canadian Seahawk » Tue Mar 11, 2003 11:52 am

To be quite honest most canadians nowadays (especially on the west coast) can't be bothered with the province of Quebec's B.S....I thought they were on there own..lol.........Im just being sarcastic seen as it appears some of you keep cracking jokes at the french..so why not crack jokes at the pretend french...dah!!! my allergeees deh have returned to de french canadiens. j/k
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Postby Indy Dragons » Tue Mar 11, 2003 12:29 pm

Other replacements for the Anthem?

Leaving on a Jet Plane - Peter, Paul and Mary
Do You Know the Way to San Jose - Dionne Warwick
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Postby Slingblade » Tue Mar 11, 2003 4:34 pm

Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin ....lol
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